Get Tangled up in Lights, Not Your Family’s Affairs!

It’s that magical time of the year again…the time when tinsel paints the town gold and silver and unabashedly calls for attention, where Christmas trees are as tall as the skyscrapers who host them, and ladies doing the Can-Can adorn the billboards.  A NYC Christmas is about as whimsical as you can get.  Even my mother, who likens travel to a sharp poke in the eye, fell in love with NYC’s allure during the holidays.   For me, it is the only time of the year where I am truly forgiving of the crappy weather.  Somehow, the majesticness of the ice-skating rinks and the Swarovski diamonds cancel out the cold.

Aside from all of the glitter and glee however, there is an infamous side of Christmas as well; being with family for an extended period of time, attending countless holiday parties, waiting in huge lines to sit on Santa’s lap, and trying to say no to the endless display of eggnog and sprinkled cookies that are almost too cute to eat (almost).    And of course, we have some business to take care of in terms of holiday gift giving.   What do you get your family that isn’t as mundane as socks, not as useless as a S’mores maker, and not as gaudy as a crystalline figurine?  I can’t help you with the long Santa lines….that is the price we must endure for sitting on the lap of a fat jolly man, but I can help you with gift giving.

I have been doing Family Constellation Therapy for some time now, and what I learned through the process, has enabled myself and others to establish stronger, healthier relationships both with relatives and the self.    So how do you have a less adversarial relationship with family?  What will win the “Gift of the Year” award? Drum-roll please (dolodoldolodum): You  MYOB.  Yup.  Mind our own business/beeswax.  This is one of the toughest things to implement, but the gains are well worth it, and it is truly the best holiday gift!

You see, we are far too entangled in our family’s affairs.  Basically, every time we try to “take care” of our siblings, parents, or grandparents, we are entangling ourselves where we don’t belong.  The thing is, we do this out of love.  We earnestly believe our unsolicited advice (or even solicited) is going to be well received and welcomed, taken and integrated, and save lives.  We must realize that we are not serving anyone here.  In theory, we are hopeful that everyone benefits…in our precious dreams, dear family members’ lives  improve, and we feel less “guilt”, as it serves our helping heart strings.  The problem is, it further entangles and strangles us because we are taking away one’s right to suffer–one’s learning opportunity that comes through adversity.  We must respect our family members’ individual freedom, even if from our point of view, we are letting them have the freedom of being stuck, unchanged and maintaining bad decisions.  We must not overstep our boundaries.  Not only are we trying to influence them where it is inappropriate, but  we are putting ourselves higher up on the totem pole as well.  By doling out advice to siblings or parents, we are placing ourselves above them.  Parentification, the act of the child becoming the parent, takes place. Most of the time, we take on this role as a very young child.  Due to loyalty towards our parents for giving us life, we quickly jump to the aid of our parents and sacrifice our own happiness in order to save theirs.  It is not uncommon for children in this role to practice bed wetting and other behaviours to divert attention from family discord.  As adults, we often catch ourselves continuing to intervene in our parents’ lives in order to make them happy, only now, we may do it in other ways (some healthier than others), ranging from addiction and illness, to that of constantly trying to offer guidance or the newest health cure, so that we may help our parents.  I catch myself doing it all the time…trying to interject my “new-age knowledge” on my mom.  “Mom, you really ought to try _________________ (fill-in-the-blank: juicing, yoga, emotional freedom technique, Reiki, etc.).  Basically, it all amounts to:  “You really should try something you are not doing.  You simply aren’t doing enough.  By the way, I know more than you do about your health, mind, body and soul.  Now pass the beans please.”  This is hard for most of us, and especially difficult for therapists and healers like me.  I have seen so many people get better, so I feel passionate about sharing my knowledge..but I have to remember,that they (my clients) used their free-will to come and see me.  They sought me out.  My family didn’t.  Even though I am approaching it from a space of love and concern, it is still parentification, and, quite frankly, ass-backward.

Family constellation places a high emphasis on birth order.  We must recognize, acknowledge and honor that we exist because of our parents.  We came from them and therefore, must receive from them.  Likewise, our babies (in the form of children, projects, pets, careers, etc.) will receive from us.  We have been given the gift of life because of those before us, and therefore, we must accept a lower role on the totem pole…regardless of how “wise” we may think we are.  This is indeterminate  of “good” or “bad” parents and/or ancestry, they still came before us, and for that, they are honored if for nothing more than giving us life.  Energy, in family constellations, is meant to travel downstream.  If you are constantly parenting your parents, energy cannot travel appropriately and becomes entangled.  When this happens, you are operating with a kinked hose and everyone receives a fraction of the potential sweetness.  There is a story of a man who watches over someone who is ill all night, and in the morning, the ill person is better, whilst the “Nervous Nelly” dies.  When we don’t MOOB (mind our own business), we drain ourselves of the energy necessary to adequately take care of ourselves.  When I see this in a family constellation, regardless of how adamant the son or daughter may be at first, ease and resolution is almost always granted when the correct roles are assumed and parents become parents and children become children.   The parents need to be sure they are adhering to this role as well.   Often times, if parents didn’t get what they needed from their parents or spouse, they often turn to the child and take.  The child, out of extreme loyalty for life, gives.  He/she knows no other way, and therefore the parent is responsible for allowing the child to switch to the higher role that the child is not equipped to handle.  I will discuss this function and its implications in the next article.
In the meantime, give the the gift that keeps on giving…for everyone.  MYOB.  Honor the birth order.  Give up repeated attempts to influence your family.  Stay present in your relationships without intentions and goals of saving/curing/bettering them.  By staying in that space of acceptance and presence, the healing can truly find room to breath and take place.  And for God’s sake, enjoy a little eggnog and have fun.  The family that plays together, stays together.  Wishing all of you a joyful, safe, and non-intrusive holiday season!  Much love and light! xo

Falling Gracefully

Ahhh, fall…it’s so bitter sweet…On one hand, you get to indulge in jeans, fluffy sweaters, hot-to-trot-boots, and warm tea, but on the other hand, you have to give up your flip flops, sundresses, and ice-coffees.  As my favorite blunt “teacher” Carolyn Myss would say, “get over it.  It’s in the past”.  While it is not always that easy, fall does make it a little less difficult because it is the season of letting go.  It is a commencement; a closing of some doors and an opening of others.  Just as the leaves from trees naturally fall off, underneath the surface, the plant is preparing to receive new energy in the spring.

It is important that we use the momentum of nature and let go right along with her.  Resisting this dying out of life, leads to dis-ease within our bodies.    Ideas, food, people, emotions, information, stimuli…everything we encounter in life needs to be assimilated and then, after a process of taking what you need, it then becomes digested,and, eventually, eliminated.  This leaves our body as waste, and includes that which is no longer needed.

Our minds, bodies, and souls typically do this naturally on a daily basis.  Our minds let go of skills and facts that have little or no meaning to our lives.  Since I am a part-time teacher, I know the quadratic formula.  It has meaning to my life at this time because I can educate with this piece of material.  I do not, however, remember how to build a website using html, because it is not useful for me (although, if you saw my silly website,it could be argued that I NEED it, therefore having meaning).  Every conversation we have, every book you read, every workshop you attend, every class you ever take, every experience we encounter, gets stored or spit out.  You remember bits and pieces, and the rest, well, it gets filed away or recycled, but not may not be put in the forefront of your knowledge base.  We receive stimuli every millisecond, so it is imperative that we let go of some and make room for others or else, we would explode.  Just like we go doo-doo everyday, our mind and soul pinches some out as well.

At times, our bodies and souls find meaning in things that our mind may not, and has stored them elsewhere in our body’s cells.  It is not uncommon for me to be doing Reiki on someone’s head, and their knee starts spasming or vice versa.  The brain is certainly not the only place where info gets stored…we have many issues in our tissues.  For the most part, our body, mind and souls are efficient and adept at taking what it needs and eliminating the rest.  Sometimes, however, that memory gets a little too comfy and overstays his welcome…kind of like that “friend” who seems to have set up shop and couch-surfed so long, that his ass has left an imprint…memories too can leave painful, unnecessarily or blockage-causing imprints which can affect the other cells around it, contaminate them, and ultimately dictate more shit that gets attracted into your life. So sometimes, they too need the boot…an extra kick in the ass to get them up and out, like your leechy friend.  The lungs and large intestines are particularly vulnerable during this season, due to being the ultimate regulators in assimilation and elimination in our bodies, so those organs and anything associated should receive extra special attention.  I recommend an edema for the mind body and soul.  Here are some tips that should get things moving in no time:

To Assimilate or Bring In and Process:
*Before you eat, say, “I ask that my body receive only that which is needed to nourish me, and to promptly and easily expel the res”t.
* Before you converse, read, watch, listen, etc, say, “I ask my mind and soul to organize and store that which has meaning to me and my life at this time (or sometime in the future) and to effortlessly release the rest to someone else who needs it”.
*Before you breathe (during meditation or exercise)- “my lungs take in fresh, clean oxygen and expel old, outdated carbon dioxide”.

Activities to Eliminate or Take Out:
* Colonic treatment to get out any stubborn poo which ultimately translates into poison if let to marinate in the body too long.
*Exercise or some sort of sweat session in the form of the following:  yoga, running, biking, dancing, sex, sauna, steam room, hot shower, summer day in NYC, summer day in the subways, eating chili peppers,  wasabi, or any other activity that induces sweat.
*Meditation- sit and be, or focus on the breath

Mantras to be Said During Processing (all of these are appropriate and advantageous to say while expelling during pooping, colonics, exercise/sweating, and meditating):
* I let go of past hurts and pains
*I let go of patterns that no longer serve me
*I let go of crap and shit
* I let go of fluff with no substance
*I let go of anything that blocks my cells from getting fresh oxygen and dividing at a beautiful rate
*I let go of past trauma that I’ve already learned from
*I let go of what is no longer needed
*I let go of what no longer needs or wants me
*I let go of that which is not nourishing me

Alright peeps, I expect your pipes, wind and colon, to be squeaky clean.  Flush out the crappy and make room for the happy!  You can do it, just let go and let this season help you fall gracefully.

MCJWalker

“I am a woman who came from the cotton fields of the South. From there I was promoted to the washtub. From there I was promoted to the cook kitchen. And from there I promoted myself into the business of manufacturing hair goods and preparations….I have built my own factory on my own ground.” Madam Walker, National Negro Business League Convention, July 1912

Did you guys know that energetically and numerologicaly, 2012 is the year for change? With that, comes a lot of excitement, and also, a lot of responsibility!  It it clear that we are being called to step it up in life–relationships, businesses, etc.  I can feel overwhelming in knowing where to start, who to involve, etc.  I am in the middle of recreating some of my business and starting from scratch in other aspects.  Many of you know that I am also a teacher at heart, and still teach on a part-time basis.  February is Black History Month and I was looking for influential figures to teach about.  I was really inspired by Madam CJ Walker.  MCJW was born into a time where she had some major obstacles–namely that she was black, a woman and an orphan.  But people would’ve succumbed to those circumstances and given up hope of becoming something great.  She didn’t.  She always forged ahead, and did everything with intention and vigor, even if she was making $1.50 a day.  MCJW also transformed her own misfortune, into her fortune (literally)! I try to impress upon this so much to my clients…Use your misfortune for fortune!  She was plagued with a scalp ailment and decided to do something about it.  She worked and reworked many recipes until she came up with a very valuable hair and scalp ointment used for healing and hair growth.  The business grew exponentially and she became the FIRST self-made female millionaire!  The story gives me chills every time I think of it.  More importantly, it inspires me to get off my ass and take one step in front of the other.  It also motivated me to stand in my kitchen and experiment until I came up with a wonderful new healing product in addition to creating an exciting new Mind, Body, Soul Makeover program which I will be launching soon, so keep your eyes open for it!  I want you to channel your inner MCJW and ask yourself, “what misfortune can I turn into my fortune” and “what step can I take today in achieving this”? (“I got myself a start by giving myself a start.” MCJW).

Masking the Truth

At the end of this month, the playful Halloween is upon us.  This day is loved by many, as the allure of this autumn holiday is the ability and, more importantly, the expectancy, that one is able to change their identity…even if just for a night.  After all, it’s fun to change it up a little..playing through your fantasies of being a super hero or a celebrity.  Other times, we dress up as things we would never (at least most of us) want to be in real life, such as monsters, aliens, maids, clowns, and yucky stuff like toilets.  Though the occasional mask and costume is fun and acceptable, what about those of us who are wearing a mask year-round, or always desiring to be someone else?  What if we are always disguising the truth? This rejection of the self can lead to long term chronic illness such as fibromyalgia, fibroid tumors, or other disease such as cancer.  There is nothing worse than self-rejection and the masking of the truth, for your body and soul’s health.

Lately, I have been noticing an increasing number of women who have been coming to me with second chakra issues such as fibroids and tumors or endometriosis.  Most female issues, including period cramps and PMS, come from some sort of rejection of the female self–body, sexuality, creativity, curves, being treated as a gender “second best”, situations of rape or other sexual violation or control, etc .  Often times, even though those thoughts are detrimental to the women’s worth and self-esteem, it is not entirely the self-rejection that does her in..it is the veneer as well. All of my clients with this disorder come from a family that wears masks.  In wearing a “mask”, I am talking about families who regularly say things like, “What will the neighbors think?”, and who also seem to rationalize like deer–that is, if I can’t see it/him/situation, it doesn’t exist.  This type of behavior, denial, concealment, cover-up, and disguisement is very harmful for the self, and family systems alike and can lead to serious conditions.  Lack of self acceptance, mixed with having nobody to talk through those (and other) feelings can cause fibroids and tumours in the uterus, along with other dis-ease.

In an ideal world, we are free of negative and egoic thought…but, we are humans and in order to learn, sometimes we face adversity. Often, we infiltrate our precious brains with filthy and untrue thoughts about ourselves that would lead to a mouth washing with soap if anyone else could get in on our secret self-inflicted insults.  As if that isn’t bad enough, we must have a release.  After thinking those groundless thoughts, it would be optimal if someone very gentle and warm and squishy (think the British Nanny on that TV program Super Nanny) rushes to our side at every infraction and talks us through it. “Hello Darling, what nonsense have you told yourself.  Princess, wherever did you get such an idea.  Talk to me, precious one.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world, but what can I do to help you see it as well and work through these false illusions all around you?”

Since real-life rarely plays out as such a lovely scenario, we are often left to our own devices…a wounded perception and a lack of self love.  The feelings, the sadness, the pain, the heartache all forms a big ball of coagulated energy, and plops itself in the uterus (or other places) because it feels as if it has no other place to go and be released.  One client experienced puberty very early on, having developed boobies and starting her period before the other girls and felt ashamed and confused.  That topic, and most others, was “hush hush” growing up in a Baptist family heavily involved in the church.  She now has been suffering from fibroids for the past 10 years.  Another women also grew up in a highly religious family where, despite family sadness and trauma, (attempted and successful suicide attempts from family members) was instructed to make up stories so that the neighbors would not look poorly on them. After absorbing so much pain, mixed with her own lack of self-love and acceptance as a beautiful young lady, this girl went on to become a woman with terrible endometriosis and fibroid pain. Another female client, who also grew up being taught that sexuality is bad, but not being able to refute or challenge that belief, developed tumors in her fibroid which, sadly, resulted in a full-blown hysterectomy.

Note that I am not specifically saying that this is causation…it is simply correlation and an observation..and observation and a pattern that I believe has strong merit..not only for women’s issues, but a plethora of other dis-eases.  Basically, self rejection and denial is poison to the body.  Additionally, not having an outlet for that poison (via talking, and additionally, exercise, yoga, raw foods, dancing, music, etc), continues to toxify the body to the point of no return.  The level of the poison becomes so high, that it has no other choice but to either form into balls (tumors, cancer, etc) or attack the muscles and joints causing pain, arthritis, etc.

This Halloween, go out, have fun and wear that mask.  But, on all the other 364 days of the year, do yourself and your family a favor…take that mask off…both to expose who you really are, and also to see clearly what is going on around you.  You have chosen this identity and physicality in this lifetime.  Your whole life is a Halloween, and the next life, if you choose, pick some other identity.  But, until then, stop rejecting yourself.  Furthermore, stop masking your feelings, and who you really are.  Additionally, don’t put a sleeping mask on, or a deer head on and pretend that what really is, isn’t.  This only leads to heartache and pain for yourself and those around you and can turn into a learned behavior for your children, siblings, lovers and friends.  The name of the game is not blame, it is recognition.  In just recognizing this pattern, you can release it and, in time, release the stored-up, coagulated energy ball/s inside of you.  Tell yourself, the truth will set me free.  I choose to see the truth.  I fully accept and love myself.  My perma-costume is a sexy-ass costume. Now, pick up that bag, go trick or treating, and experience the sweetness that life has to offer.

Sweep Away the Crappy and Make Room for the Happy Part I

Dear Reader, I will be doing a multi-part series on the principles of decluttering and Feng Shui and their effects on your personal life.  This is part 1 of some (not sure how many yet 3-4).  Be sure to complete the “challenges” given to you in each article and win prizes and a better life! Simply post a comment at the end of the article, letting me know you have completed the challenge and any experience you had or effect you noticed.  Those who do this for all articles, will automatically win one of my supercharged bath salts (read more about these at https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXKEHsQGKKfuZGdncWQ5emRfMTNjZnNxdGRkOA&hl=en)! Additionally, you will be entered in a drawing for a chance to win a free healing session!  Happy Cleaning!

Tis the season for spring cleaning!  As you rustle through your attics (for the suburbians) or storage units and cramped apartments (for the New Yorkers), we are actually making more room energetically for the good stuff to come.  You see, everything is energy and everything’s positioning and perspective affect everything else.  It is impossible to move a lamp even, and not alter the spacial relationships, and therefore, energy in our lives.  Every time we move anything, there is a shift and interplay of both the kinetic (moving energy) and potential (stored energy just waiting to be tapped into) energies.

There is a whole “science” on this called Feng Shui, which I will go into in a bit more detail in next months article, but for now, the greatest service you can do is to declutter your physical space, which will help declutter your mental and emotional space.  As the old quote goes, “As above, so below. As within, so without”.  This basically means that your environment is a reflection of what’s going on inside, and visa-versa.  It is therefore very important that you aren’t holding on to outdated, old, useless, harmful junk, which manifests into the same type of physical and  emotional junk. Before you start rearranging your space, or your mind, you must clean up shop!  Clear out all of the cobwebs and outfitted crap in your head and your home. There is so much stimuli these days (especially in NYC) that your home should be as simple and peaceful as possible…don’t bring the city into your space as well.  Living in a cluttered environment can create mental disarray, confusion, being “fleity”, constipation, lack of concentration, inhibit your thinking and creativity, and block the energy flow of your life!  It is time to roll up our sleeves and get ruthless.  I challenge you to a home, and therefor life, enema.

Are you ready to  get the energy flowing again?  Let’s undo this dam that’s blocking you from your best potential!  I summon you to the following, easy to do exercises which are guaranteed to free the chi (pronounced chee)! (don’t forget to complete and post about your challenge)*:

1) Throw away old paperwork!  Are you really ever going to go back and reread any of that crap?  I hope not!  There is so many other new and exciting things to read everyday!  Supposedly you are to keep financial records for 5 years due to taxes….other than that, recycle those papers!  They are taking up valuable space in your home, and therefore in your head!
Challenge: Recycle one whole paper grocery bag of papers.  Repeat this Mantra as you get rid of them: “I rid myself of mental clutter.  My mind is calm and at peace”.

2)  Also, the same is true for books.  We rarely read them again, as there are so many more awesome books out there to read.  I therefore dare you to choose one that affected you (preferably in a positive way) and give it to someone whom you intuitively feel would benefit from it.  Tell them to pass it on to someone else after they’ve finished reading it…it is the gift that keeps on giving and you’ve just created a love chain!  Congratulations!  You will undoubtedly receive the love back exponentially.
Challenge: Share a book or DVD with someone without expecting it back in return! Repeat this mantra as you hand off your book or DVD:”I share the wealth willingly and happily.  The more I give, the more I receive.”

3) Snail Mail and paperwork are not the only things bogging you down.  Your email inbox can clog you up as well..in many ways.  Having too many emails can clog your butt pipes, and keep bigger and better offers, deals, love letters, and opportunities from coming your way…not to mention taking up memory in your computer!  Notice the crap email you are receiving (NOT Bella Life Telegrams, or Sprouting Love Newsletters), but things like 8-minute dating (from the time you tried it once 8 years ago out of curiosity), updates from the gym you quit a long time ago, attempts to get you to spend $3.95 per minute on the phone with a fake astrologer, that kid who keeps trying to sell Cutco knives…just send them a friendly “unsubscribe” email.  While you’re at it, you need to erase emails from exes…do you really want them taking up space in your inbox, and therefore, your life?  Clearly their mushiness did not stand the test of time.  Why not make room for Romeo or Juliet…remember, you and your ex broke up for a reason.  Let them go, and allow a yummier person to come in.
Challenge:  Email at least 3 “unsubscribes”.  Erase at least 10 emails from the ex(es).  Mantra: I make room for the delicious to come in.  I live in the present.

OK, get cracking.  This month will be tough, but you will reap the benefits!  This is just a precursor to next months, which will be quite a feat…getting rid of the clothes that no longer serve us!   Stay tuned…and clutter-free! Heal, baby, Heal!

Clothes-ter-phobic?

Dear Reader, this is part II of a multi-part series on the principles of decluttering and Feng Shui and their effects on your personal life.  This is part 1 of some.  Be sure to complete the “challenges” given to you in each article and win prizes and a better life! Simply post a comment at the end of the article, letting me know you have completed the challenge and any experience you had or effect you noticed.  Those who do this for all articles, will automatically win one of my supercharged bath salts (read more about these at https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXKEHsQGKKfuZGdncWQ5emRfMTNjZnNxdGRkOA&hl=en)! Additionally, you will be entered in a drawing for a chance to win a free healing session!  So, please join me in the clearing and cleaning out of clutter and clothing! Happy Cleaning!

We hold on to our clothes for so a myriad of reasons–for many, they are our security blanket.  For others, an expression of who they are and what they’ve been through.  For some, especially in NYC, they serve as confirmation that we actually own something.  Now, I am the guiltiest culprit of the following, but rest assured, I am doing this challenge with y’all!  I, Natalie Berthold, am a clothes hoarder..but I know I am not the only one! Whenever my family makes fun of me for having so many clothes, I remind them that I have been nomadic and a starving artist (healing artist) living in NYC.  I don’t own squat, like my counterpart peers who I grew up with in Indiana. They own houses, cars, babies, beds, pans, husbands, vacuums…all sorts of stuff.  Even the furniture I own, I dragged in from the streets of Manhattan!  I don’t possess anything except for clothes!  However, having so many clothes may actually keep us from bringing in more abundance!  The truth is, it clogs the pipes up, both energetically, and otherwise (even in the intestines, causing constipation! Yikes!). I challenge you again, to clean out the crappy and make room for the happy!

Challenge 1:  Get rid of one trash bag of clothes that don’t fit you RIGHT NOW
I have clothes that span 10 sizes.  In all honesty, that is dangerous because you are manifesting yo-yo weight that fluctuates and goes up and down.  The truth is, I really wouldn’t be happy in the tiny sizes.  I couldn’t enjoy any goodies and would make a pain-in-the-ass dinner date, and a lousy slumber party accompanist.  “I’ll pass on the pasta and scrumptious cupcakes.  Do you have lettuce instead?”. No thanks!
And with the larger sizes..am I really anticipating being bigger again?  Just being prepared for the “what if” I become a fat-ass again?  Hell no, out you go!  Did you hear that universe? Take my big clothes and shove them up Uranus!
There are tons of donation centers where you can drop off your clothing, shoes, and accessories (be sure to pick up a tax write-off sheet).  Additionally, if you have lots of time and patience (anybody?), you could post the cool stuff on eBay and monopolize on what the Internet does to make people operate with quick, irrational, and spontaneous decision making.
Those garments served a time and purpose, but that time and purpose is over.  You no longer need to coddle your overly skinny or chubby days and nurture them by providing a home for them.
Accompanying Mantra (as you rid them): I am perfect exactly as I am.  I only make room for that which fits beautifully into my life.

Challenge 2: Get rid of one trash bag  of the “what-if-wastoids”
We also tend to hold onto clothes for “what-if” moments…”What if I need these disgusting pants to paint a fence someday?” “What if this holey shirt (with holes, not blessed by Jesus) will come in handy if I want to dress like Swiss cheese?  “What if this bubble-gum-waste-of-space-prom dress is useful if somebody invites me to one of those cool 80’s theme parties?” “What if I feel like taking a dump in my pants?  These old yucky ones will be perfect for that occasion!”
People, it is good to be prepared, as the boy-scouts and girl-scouts taught us, but this is ridiculous!  It is time to get rid of the clothes we save for bizarre hypothetical situations!
Accompanying Mantra: I am prepared for what life brings me.  I live in faith, and nothing is insurmountable.

Challenge 3: Get rid of one trash bag of “nostalgic no-no’s”
Another common practice is being sentimentally attached to our clothing!  I held on to a nasty-ass, full-denim J-lo esque body suite for years, just because I bought it in Spain and it reminded me of the good old “ump ump ump” highlighter clubbing days!  In fact, I’ve held on to so much clothing simply because it reminded me of a special moment or era of my life…never mind that the item is extremely unappealing and outdated.  It’s best to let the memories live in your head, not your closet.  Holding on to too much of the “glory days” keeps you stuck in the past, unaware and ungrateful of the present.  This is therefore creating a future where you will NEVER be ________ enough (thin, young, smart, beautiful, rich, witty, etc) and will always be viewing your “hay-days: and “peak” as over.  What a grim way to view life!
Mantra: I live in the NOW.  Beautiful memories are alive and well, and more wonderful occurrences continue to happen every day

Alright team, you might be overwhelmed, but trust me, the benefits will be worth it!  We are practicing non-attachment, and we are doing this TOGETHER.  To aid in the transition, might I suggest meditating with a Sphere Shaped Crystal, which is representative of the Universe and everything contained in it. Spheres symbolize the “whole” person, which includes consciousness, mobility, non attachment and a powerful mind. Additionally, Holy Basil is an excellent oil to inhale, or rub on your heart or feet for help with non-attachment. Remember, your clothes are like one of those couch surfers just taking up precious space for free…kick ’em out!  This potential energy is free-loading off of you!  Enough is enough!
We are rooting for you!  Heal, baby Heal!

Bringing Sexy Back

Dear Reader, this is part III of a multi-part series on the principles of decluttering and Feng Shui and their effects on your personal life. Be sure to complete the “challenges” given to you in each article and win prizes and a better life! Simply post a comment at the end of the article, letting me know you have completed the challenge and any experience you had or effect you noticed.  Those who do this for all articles, will automatically win one of my supercharged bath salts (read more about these at https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AXKEHsQGKKfuZGdncWQ5emRfMTNjZnNxdGRkOA&hl=en)! Additionally, you will be entered in a drawing for a chance to win a free healing session! Happy Cleaning and Cleansing!

Purple is the new black, 40 is the new 30, and Mr. Clean is the new Justin Timberlake! Huh? Yup, you read that right!  Clearing out clutter in your home can actually amp up your sex life and sexilicious sex factor.  Getting rid of old junk makes room for the delicious things in life to come in! In this edition, we will be specifically focusing on your undergarments.  Remember, everything is energy!  Thoughts, things, and even intimate wear send out magical doododoots (my sound for energy waves being emitted) attracting comparable things.  Do you see where this is going?  If you wear skeevy skivvies, you may attract a skeevy skuzball.  You wear icky bras, you feel icky about yourself.  This is why so many gym clothes are super cute now…studies have shown that the hotter you look in your gym clothes, the better you feel, and the more motivated you are to maintain that sensation (and figure).  The same is true for our undergarments.  The sexier the items, the sexier we feel (for ourselves and our partner), the sexier we act,  and the people we attract will be sexier (think Brad Pitt). Join us today to put you back on the sexy radar.  Bringing Sexy Back is as easy as 1-2-3.  Participate in these 3 challenges below, and I guarantee you will make JT proud!

1) Challenge: Toss out at least 5 pairs of pathetic panties
Mantra (while discarding):  I am cleansed and purified.  I am one sexy bitch.  I deserve the best in life.

I dare you to take a good look in your undergarment drawer…is it hot or not?
Now, as a woman, I have a separate area in my undies drawer called “period underwear”.  This is where I keep undies who are stained for “that time of the month”, but other than that, there should be NO circumstance in which you wear them.  Also, because we are only on our period 1/4 of the month, at least 3/4 of our undies should be delectable.  The majority of your intimates should be intimatable…not abominable…
Check your undies and make sure you have at least a 3/4 to 1/4 hot to not ratio (ie 30 scantilizing pairs to every 10 scuzzy pairs).  I would even put the period undies in a whole different section from your hot pants!  Additionally, throw out those panties that are over-stretched, have elastic coming out, have rips, tears, holes, unflattering (squeeze you in all the WRONG places), and too child-like.  A man might be uncomfortable getting busy with someone who wears hello kitty on her private parts.  You are a hot-ass woman with a hot ass.  Start dressing like one.
Now for the boys, tighty whities are never considered sexy, nor undies that have skid marks and poop stains!  THROW THEM OUT.  You should by some boxers and some hot boxer briefs.
By doing this, you are feeling sexier throughout the day, and sending “dootadoots” that say you are ready to get your groove on…even if you are both the giver and receiver of this groove-on!

2) Challenge:  Throw out 2 broke-ass bras, and donate 3 gently used ones
Mantra:  I am fully supported.  I am one sexy bitch.  I deserve the best in life.

Ladies, this goes for your bras too…Please, I implore you, throw out bras that: don’t fit (either too big or small), are seedy, have under-wire that sticks out and stabs you (I actually used to keep those and keep pushing the wire back in every time it poked out and sliced me), bras that are deformed (ones that make you look like you have torpedo boobies, Madonna cones, or otherwise), bras that are floppy (no support), etc.
For the bras, this is a double whammy…not dressing up our boobies (our ultimate in feminine bits) will hinder us from feeling as pretty and sexy (inside and out) and will tell us that we don’t deserve to to be supported as well.  Those bras are so lucky to be touching and holding up your bodacious boobies…treat them like royalty and get those hooters some hot holsters!
We take it for granted that we have bras to wear everyday, when in reality, a lot of other countries view it as a luxury.  In some parts of Africa and Haiti, 99% of women wish they could wear a bra, but can’t afford them.  For the bras that are nice, but you never wear them, the following websites are great places to donate: http://www.upliftbras.org/ , http://www.breasttalk.co.uk/bra-appeal/ , http://www.brarecycling.org/about_us.html.
Nothing is sexier than being helpful and generous.  Perhaps you could even send some new bras as well.
While you are at it, show your breasts that you care for their health and well-being by massaging them (or let your partner do it) and check for any unusual lumps.  http://www.prevenia.com/English/breast_self_exam.htm

Challenge: Discard at least 5 pairs of sad socks
Mantra:  I move forward with confidence and ease.  I put my best foot forward.  I am one sexy bitch.  I deserve the best in life.

Now, the Dalai Lama is Holy.  Jesus is Holy.  Swiss Cheese is Holy.  Wiffle balls are holy.  Socks should not be holy.  We need to get rid of our holy socks and mismatched misfits.  I am definitely guilty on this one.  The feet are very representative of moving forward in life…put your best foot forward…not one that has gaps, tears, and voids.  Your feet help you feel grounded, supported and carry you all over the place.  Give the feet some TLC.  Buy those socks with Shea butter inside, get a foot massage, and throw away those socks that look like they had a run in with some wild beasts.  Your feet and your life will thank you!

OK, my sexy de-clutterers, get cracking.  The slightest willingness moves mountains…I can already see you getting hotter.  Damn Gina!  You go! Toss-and-reap!

Relationship Cleanse

Happy Summer!  By now, you hopefully did some de-cluttering this past spring–threw out those stained panties, that dried-up can of paint, unsubscribed to some spam emails, and tossed the milk carton dated from March of ‘09.  What’s left to dispose of? Well, this last step is the hardest, but probably the most necessary…it is time to get rid of your outdated relationships, or clean up and re-organize them.  I am in no way insinuating that people are disposable or dispensable…of course not.  All people are beautiful souls who are priceless.  But, sometimes their expiration date in your life runs out.  This is more common than we think, and on some level, even explains why there are so many divorces these days.  Again, I want to make sure that you understand that I am NOT saying relationships are futile and not worth fighting for.  They are, as long as it is not a battle that exhausts both parties more than adds joy to both parties and everything has been done to try to salvage it with no success.
As the old saying goes, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”  Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever, and sometimes, holding on past the expiration date can be draining to both involved.  There are many souls that bop in and out of our lives, just to teach us important lessons.  We humans mirror to other humans what it is that we need to work on.  With some tenacity, we meet this challenge with grace.  Sometimes, when this has been accomplished, two people part ways and meet others to teach through their involvement with one another.  And sometimes, the two continue to evolve and grow together for a very long time…perhaps an entire lifetime and many other lifetimes.  The word “relationship” has the word RELATE inside of it. We are humans who are meant to relate to other humans in order to grow and progress.  At some point, if we are no longer relating to one another, we have to let go, or fine a way that we can relate.
This is really tough to do because our friendships and relationships are rooted in our identity.  Our tribe, our survival, and therefore our identities our often “rooted” (this can affect our root chakra) in our friendships…especially our earlier friendships.  Often times, the prospect of letting go of a friendship signals to us that our survival is threatened.  Biologically, this makes sense.  It is natural for these fears to arise.  However, if we really look at our friendships and relationships with some awareness, we may be surprised to find that they are actually COMPROMISING our survival.
Ask yourself the following about a relationship in question:

*When I am around Hilda (or fill-in-blank), I leave feeling exhausted!
*When I am around Hilda, I receive an earful, but am devoid of giving a mouthful.  In other words, she talks, and I listen.  And, she talks so much, she never remembers that I have heard the same damn story of how she screwed the mailman about 5,000 times!
*When I am around Hilda, I cannot be my true self without fear of being ridiculed and unaccepted. She always makes fun up me for having an affinity towards men in uniform (sanitation worker uniforms).
*Our relationship giving ratio is 95:5, Me:Hilda
*Hilda and I have nothing in common and the only thing we relate on is that we both like to pluck our eyebrows to avoid letting anyone see our  uni-brows.
*And lastly, this is a toughie…Do I want to be lumped in as the same “type” of person as Hilda?

This is a hard question to answer and I really struggled with this one.  I had gotten through the whole list above with some of my old high school and college friends back home, and it was not looking good.  Then, the final wake-up call came about 5 years ago when we all went out to celebrate our birthdays.  We went out for what was supposed to be a fun and easy-going birthday dinner.  We had ordered our food, chatting away.  When the meals came, one of the girls had asked for cracked pepper and the waiter regretfully informed us that their was no cracked pepper, just regular.  She was shocked and took it as a personal blow.  She retorted, “No cracked pepper?  What kind of establishment is this? If I had known there was no black pepper, I never would have come here!  In fact, I’m tempted to leave”.  All of the other sheep started chiming in and threatened to leave, and kept bashing the place, the waiter and even wanting to talk to the manager.  The waiter looked hurt and pissed and looked strait at me.  “No, no, no.  Not me.” I communicated with my eyes to him, “I could give a shit about the pepper.  I am not like this.  These are not my friends!” I could tell it was too late.  It was guilt by association.  I was lumped into this group.  I was mortified.  I realized that you are judged and “known” by the company you keep.  If a good friend wants to wear a fedora on her elbow daily and I too get assumed to be a weirdo, I don’t care.  But, I do care if I am being labeled as rude, ungrateful and bitchy because of the company I keep.  I knew the relationship had to end with theses old girls.  They once served a purpose.  It was fun to talk first kisses with them and to do jello shots together, but our priorities and values had diverged.  We could no longer relate…it was time to let go.
I encourage you too, dear reader, to take on the painful (but ultimately beneficial task) of clearing out old relationships.  You don’t have to drop them like bad habits.  You can gracefully and gradually make yourself less available, you can talk to your friend about what you too do relate on, or you can gently approach your friend and explain to her that you need more.  Remember though, the ball is in your court and their is nobody in charge, but yourself.  The next time your version of Hilda is blabbing on and on without a breather, gently jump in and say, “Oh, that reminds me of the time I….”, start asking for help and start expressing what your needs are.  Chances are, that person will comply and start chipping in more…after all, he/she was probably just following your lead and didn’t realize you needed to be heard and seen as well.  If the person doesn’t respond in a healthful way, you probably don’t need or want this person robbing you of your life-force energy anyway…it is best to shut that door and make room for others with a more balanced give-and-take approach and who the two of you can relate to more and to learn and grow together.  Energetically continue to send love and well-being to your past friend/lover/co-worker, but affirm that they were in your life for a reason or a season, and your are committed to those who will hang throughout your lifetime! xo

For extra inspiration, check out my video on setting boundaries and self-respect.  *Warning-this is not for the squeamish…parts of it are yucky, but there is a good message in the end!  Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/user/SproutingLove?feature=mhum

Space For Grace

Dear Readers,
I congratulate you thus far on your valiant efforts at de-cluttering.  It is never easy to part with our possessions.  In doing so though, you begin to realize it was all an illusion., because only love, not things, is real.  Now that you’ve de-cluttered your space, it’s time you rearrange your precious “keepers” for maximum mileage. This is the last of the de-cluttering series, so be sure to complete and post about all of your experiences by Nov. 1 in order to be entered in a contest to win a free 45 min distant healing session..
Happy Healing! xo
Natalie

According to Feng Shui, there are a million things that are suggested, in order to keep your space optimally energized, taking into consideration the elements, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. This can be overwhelming, so I have designed a plan for you that is do-able and maintainable, which contain the tactics that I believe are the most advantageous.  Below, I have attached the nine baquas (quadrants of your space which each signify different ares of your life) in more detail. If you are feeling courageous and up to it, go to town!  However, life is about balance, and summer in an opportunity to play.  The sun, I believe, is one of the biggest and most effective healing tools out there…and its free and abundantly available in the summer.  Have fun in the sun, and perhaps dedicate one hour each week this month to re-organize, and therefore galvanize and re-energize…word!

Here is my basic, fool-proof plan:

Week One-Add more live things to add more liveliness!
There is a direct correlation between surrounding yourself in energy that is alive and feeling more alive and renewed.  Just as eating veggies is a great way to boost your life-force energy, so is having plants around.  Bring as much live and vibrant energy into the home in the form of plants and flowers…and cute puppies and babies if that is appropriate for your life plan at the time (be sure to run this by first with roommies or significant others first, or no amount of feng shui could restore the household harmony :)).
Also,be sure to cut dried leaves from your plants.  Studies show that dead leaves can bring down the vibration of the rest of the plant, and therefore, your life.  I recently went into a friend’s apartment who was bitching about a lack of money…I peered over at her “money” baqua, and a plant, as dead as a doornail, sat squarely in the center.  “Dude, your money is dried up because your plant is”, I exclaimed. Swapping that one for a robust one got her money flowing in no time.   Keep the green alive by keeping the green alive!

Week two- get rid of the baggage…literally!
So, now that you’ve de-cluttered, make sure your remaining precious possessions are stored nicely and neatly and that, if possible, you don’t have a big garbage bag in your room.  Keep trash to a minimum and in the kitchen, if possible. A friend of mine was recently complaining that all of her relationships carried so much emotional baggage.  Upon entering her bedroom, her “love and relationship bagua” (far right corner) had a trashcan, some filled suitcases and duffel bags and a pile of shopping bags!   As soon as she removed the physical baggage, the emotional baggage lessened.
While you are at it, remove baggage from under your bed.  I went through a period where I was feeling heavy emotional and physically, and just not my healthy self.  I thought I was being savvy and making the most of my small space by storing bags filled with crap underneath my bed.  My bed was in the middle of room ( the health bagua). As soon as I removed the excess baggage, my physical and emotional weight began to decrease, and my health become optimal once again.

Week 3- Get Rid of Counter-Intuitive Objects and Replace Them With Sensible Ones
You can chose to study about the baguas, or just use some common sense for this one.  A gay friend of mine was complaining about how he couldn’t meet any good men in the city and how they all left him feeling “high and dry” and were teases (geeze, it seems men of all types share this propensity :)).  I peered in his love and relationship corner (top right) and I shit you not, there was a pair of blue balls resting there (apparently some sort of exercise apparatus)! “No wonder  you are so sexually frustrated, I exclaimed,  “You have blue balls in your space, and therefore in your body”.  I  promptly removed them from that corner and replaced them with a nice red thong (appropriate for all sexualities) and a picture of some roses.  He went out that night and reported back to me “very satisfied”.
Another woman was trying to get pregnant, and in her children bagua ( middle right ), her husband stored his gun and knife collection.  Nuff said.  She replaced it with a whimsical picture of two children dancing and became pregnant within six months.  Anything soft and or playful (even a musical instrument) would be appropriate in that corner.

Week 4- Clear and Protect Your Space
Now that you’ve de-cluttered and cleared on a physical level, it would be wise to clear out any residual ,non-tangible energy that might be lingering and to also protect your new and improved space.  Space clearings can be as easy or as complicated as you like, but remember, it is all about intention.  I recommend the following quick and easy way to clear your space…and it is super fun and it gives you an excuse to act like a lunatic child again.  Grab some pots and pans and some wooden spoons and march around your house having a tantrum.  Yell like a kid, “this is my space!  Mine!  Not yours, mine!  Unless you are from love and light, you are NOT welcome, and I respectfully demand that you either leave, or transmute yourself into positive energy.”  Then, light some sage or incense and carry it around your home, paying special attention to the corners, windows, etc. and asking the smoke to clear any negative energy.  Marinate for a while in places where there might have been a heated argument or tragic phone call, etc.  Lastly, picture your space surrounded by a ball of light, or shield that is only permeable to love and light and nothing else.  Ask your angels to perch themselves in the corners to offer further loving protection.

OK soldiers, hop to it….happy healing! xo

Save the Tulips! I’m Pissed!

Are you feeling feisty this spring instead of fuzzy?  Congrats, you are normal!  In fact, anger is a natural emotion for spring.  Ideally, we are operating under the energy of assertiveness…this is where we burst forth from the soil and declare our existence.  However, just as everything in this world has a Jack to it’s Jill, we too have a yin to the yang.  It is necessary, so don’t fight it.  The yin to assertiveness’ yang is anger.  Anger is a common feeling that comes up in the spring and there is a fine line between it and it’s partner, assertiveness.  I experienced this as I was making this newsletter.  I was quite pleased with my good old fashioned email newsletters.  However, I went to a marketing class and the teacher said to me, “Would a six-figure healer send newsletters via email? Would a six-figure healer write her website on her business cards because she feels too bad about throwing the old ones away?” Well, I am not six-figured, but hey, I guess I need to be working towards that.  I bit the bullet and tried out this professional stuff…not so easy…I can just here my teacher now, “would a six-figure healer sit in her pajamas all day trying to figure this out for herself, or would she hire someone?”  Some habits die hard.  I am a stubborn “learn it and do it for myself-type”.  Which is great…most of the time…until, my assertiveness turns to anger.  “Why wont this damn template work? What is up with this wonky-ass formatting?  What was wrong with my old newsletters in the first place, punk?”
I’m sure you’ve witnessed your own account of assertiveness gone wrong everyday in NYC.   Take, for example, as you enter a NYC bus or subway…you don’t want to get left behind, so you forge your way upward (after all, you were the first one waiting).  Then, out of the peripheral of your eye, you see moms with strollers, pushy business men, and clueless kids texting on their phones charging ahead of you.  Your assertiveness starts changing to anger and you clench your fists and jaws as you push back will equal force and squeeze your way up first!  Victory!? Or did you let anger take over?  If you catch yourself in a situation that has crossed over from assertiveness to anger, no worries.  Take a deep breath.  Tell yourself you are normal.  Snap out of the mode and mood by doing a couple quick jumping jacks, averting your attention to a cute puppy, or playing a fun song on your ipod.  Perhaps you are brave enough to journal what this is about?  Do you feel there is not enough (space, money, love, etc) for everyone? Are you pissed off at your boyfriend? Where is this coming from?  Once you’ve acknowledged it, you can begin to move through it.  I hope that you primarily stay in a the framework of assertiveness this spring and show the world who you are!  We have some great workshops coming up to help you work on your self expression!  BOING! Spring into your true self!