Everything!  One of the main principles of Family Constellation Therapy (FCT) is the need for everyone to belong…if we don’t belong to a particular tribe or group, we are screwed, because who is going to have our back, and ultimately, on a biological level, save our life, otherwise?  Another principle is that, like them or not, we get a lot of beliefs from our parents, including political.  I am fairly political, and I can directly correlate that to my mother.  We grew up watching Phil Donahue together (remember him? In my young girl head, I thought he was a chubby Mr. Rogers, but who talked about totally different things).  Children look for ways to “belong” to their family and tribe and politics is one way we achieve this.  The older I get, them more like my mom I become (sound familiar?).  On a soul level, one of the ways that I bond with my mom, and feel closer to her, is through her political views.  So, as the champions were running, debates being debated, and votes being counted, I was a cheerleader for my “team”, but on a deeper level, I was bonding with my mother.  Through the elections, I was feeling more united with the woman who gave me life and deepening our connection, which was even more of a reason to celebrate.

A secondary tribe that we have is our friends and community, which no doubt, is also very important to find our place of belonging.  While living in Indiana, I was not nearly as verbal about my political beliefs as I am here in NY.  For the most part, in NYC, I know my views will be received and that I will have a tribe that agrees with me…in Indiana, if I stuck my neck out, I would have been abandoned by my tribe, and worse, attacked.  On a soul level, I would have felt unsafe and possibly that I would die, based on biology. This is one of the reasons that NYC feels like home to me.  These are my people and I can be myself here and most people living here feel the same.

With all of this being said, it is nearly impossible to change someone else’s political views.  In doing so, you are essentially asking them to betray their tribe, which could lead them to get killed.  Think about this perspective the next time you try to argue with someone…chances are, they are getting more defensive of their tribe, than the actual political candidate.  Silently, or out loud (depending on your relationship with that person), tell them that you respect them, their family, their ancestors, and their decision to remain loyal to them. In this way, if there is any room for wiggle room, change, or growth, this is how space will be made for it.

So, I am curious…do you adopt the same political views as your parents? How about your secondary tribe? Has that made you feel closer or more vulnerable to your tribes (depending on your spin)? Please let me know in the comments below!  

Now, between the hurricane, the election, and the nor’easter, I suspect most of you are EXHAUSTED!  When there is an external hurricane and roller coaster, there comes an internal one as well, so don’t be so hard on yourself is you are shaken up…it is normal and hopefully, the dust will soon settle.  Practice good self-care the upcoming weeks and see if you can get involved in the myriad of ways that New Yorkers are helping those in need!

Spring is the season for reaping what you sowed.  With that, comes a lot of excitement, and also, what feels to be a big responsibility!  It it clear that we are being called to step it up in life–relationships, businesses, etc.  It can feel overwhelming to try to figure out where to start, who to involve, etc.  The important thing here for you to know is that actually, a lot of the work is already done.  You’ve spent the fall letting go and planting seeds (releasing and manifesting), the winter nourishing them, and now the spring is when it all blooms and comes to fruition.  So, the most important thing is to actually pick the crops–recognize what you’ve sown. So often, I get clients who aren’t seeing what they’ve created.  They have their blinders on, which prevents them from seeing past their limiting beliefs.  Some will say, “I’ve worked so hard, and haven’t gotten any results”.  One of two things is happening here.  a) You are trying to knock down the wrong door or b) you have gotten results, but you just can’t see or acknowledge them.  In Spring, people come out of the wood works and people often misinterpret this buzz and excitement for potential energy to do more work.  That is not the case.  Notice that the animals in the animal kingdom (squirrels, bears, etc) are actually doing the most work in the fall (gathering food, building warm shelter, etc), so that they can chill and hibernate during the winter, so that they can in turn celebrate and play during the spring.  We too work best and most efficiently when we are following nature’s natural rhythms.

Here are your only “jobs” in the springtime in order to make best use of this season:

Keep a daily running record of your accomplishments.  You can call it “My Awesome Accolades”.  With each one you write down, you should actually and literally give yourself a pat on the back.  As mentioned earlier, so often people don’t “see” what they are creating or doing.  Putting it on paper helps.  I can recall so many times where I couldn’t “see” where my bloated belly was coming from.  Upon recording for a week what I ate, I could finally “see” that it was the dark chocolate that I was eating between every meal…a little too much.  The same is true in this case.  We get so caught up in what is NEXT, that we don’t stop to smell the roses and recognize our accomplishments right now.  This sets us up for a cycle of failure, because our mindset is always in the quicksand…focused on how we are sinking and not doing enough, versus “hey, I’m kind of a bad-ass and have accomplished a lot of cool shit!”.  So, again, make a running list of all the cool shit you’ve accomplished.  My guess is that once you start, you wont be able to stop.  Every day that you write your new kudos down, you will gain confidence in your abilities, instead of doubt them.  If you want bonus points, share 1-2 props a day with family or friends.

Celebrate and have fun.  The universe does cartwheels when you do.  The universe frolics when you do.  The universe smiles when you do.  When you celebrate, the universe knows your grateful and sends you more stuff to recognize and celebrate.  Spring is the season of new life and birth.  Everyday in the Spring is a BIRTHDAY!  Doesn’t that deserve a little extra SPRING in your step? A little cupcake/candle action or a hat or blow horn? Spring is a CELEBRATION.  What an awesome job you have this season–to HAVE FUN!  I want you to sign a contract with spring.  Something like this:

Dear Spring,
I, __________, hearby accept your job offer of ‘to celebrate and have fun this season’.  I solemnly swear to be your #1 employee at all times.  I vow to have a shitload of fun, and to not half-ass that job.  I will not take shortcuts, come in late, or leave early.  I will not multi-task during this very important job of having fun, but instead, will be in the present moment during these tasks. The ways in which I will take the job seriously and have fun include, but are not limited to the following tasks: ______________, _________, ____________, ____________, _______________. (Fill in fun things you can commit to doing). I will make this commitment to you throughout the duration of my freelance work with you, including, but not limited to March 21, 2012-June 20, 2012.
I look forward to working with you very soon!

Date________
My Signature__________
Spring’s Signature___Spring___
Witness ____Universe_____

Print this out and hang it on your refrigerator or put it in your planner as a daily reminder of the commitment you’ve made.  Sow, baby sow!

Yup, change. That big C word that whether good or bad, reeks havoc on our lives. We are creatures of habit. Routine has kept us safe and secure, biologically speaking, for a long long time. Upsetting the status quo can feel to us as if we are threatening our survival…that our LIVES are at RISK. This is scary stuff! That is why many of us get so frustrated when we pray, manifest, vision board it, chant it, etc that we want positive change, and it just ain’t happening. It is actually sending you the message that in doing so, even if it is good change (ie. marriage, weight loss, more money, a growing business, etc) that you might not survive the change. You have gotten super comfy and routinized along the way, and although it might not be optimal, you have made it work. You are a functioning unchangeaholic. Yes, this is a real dis-ease in the sense that you are addicted to a substance (stability) and can’t go without it. Then, 2012 comes rushing in, and rocks your boat. I love the Mayans. They are super innovative people. Did you know that made significant advances in astrology, astronomy, math (discovered the 0), agriculture (nobody else could have survived in their ecosystem) and built pyramids and temples without metal tools and much more! The talk of 2012 ending of the Mayan Calendar, I believe, is much more spiritual than literal. There seems to be a shift in consciousness happening. I see it everywhere. When I’m on the subway, I see Eckhart Tolle, Louis Hay and many other “New Age” authors gracing the eyes of subway riders. I did not see this 5-10 years ago. I was the only yahoo reading about soul retrievals on my commute. That being said, this new consciousness is sprouting up everywhere. And, because we are all interconnected, when one individual becomes even a little bit more enlightened, it is a catalyst for another. There is a huge game of dominoes going on. But, as I mentioned earlier, this isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. Being called to action, awareness and to become more enlightened is not easy. It is scary. Often times, ignorance is bliss. However, this movement is also so sweeping and so enticing, how can you not want to be a part of it? The key is balance. What usually ends up happening when change is to be made (whether purposefully or not) is that we swing wildly in the opposite direction like a wild banshee. You know, “I want to loose weight, so I am going to cut out all carbs, sugar and anything that resembles food”. Then, as we are pendulums, we swing just as wildly in the other direction (becoming a ravenous beast) and then finally settling somewhere in the middle. Why not implement your changes more slowly and surely? Remember, in your brain, your life is at risk here. You will not stick to change, or go willingly, if it happens too quickly. You are hard-wired to equate this to death. Move with purpose, grace, and ease. Take baby steps.

Another tip is to “experiment” with everything. A big part of being resistant to change is fearing the permanency of it all. That is not usually the case. Very few things are actually permanent….besides death, which is why perhaps this is all so intertwined with the fear of moving forward and the association with perishing forever. Remember when we were in school? We so unabashedly threw some things together in a test tube without attachment, and a strong anticipation as to see what would happen. When I make decisions or changes in life now that are registering as a little “scary” for me, I always tell myself, and my clients who I work with in these situations, that just tell yourself it is a little experiment. That word tends to shift the perspective from, “I am about to make a monumental decision that may result in death” to “Ohhhh, this could be fun…can’t wait to see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll mix up some other concoction and try that one”.

So, Bellas, the next time you are being to called to change, to be a part of this movement forward in consciousness, take it easy. First of all, recognize that of course, change is scary. Thank your body for doing what it is supposed to do by causing anxiety. It is protecting you from what it perceives as a threat. Tell your nervous system, “Thanks so much for doing your job and looking out for me. I honor you for that. I have decided to make this change. I will do it slowly and surely so that I am not jeopardizing anyone or anything. I am just going to experiment with some things…no harm done. It will be fun. I release you from the roll of protector in this instance, and ask you to now become a witness (Can I get a witness, whoot whoot!) to this change. Help me to regulate the speed at which this change is made so that it can happen gracefully and effectively. Won’t you be my co-scientist and help me implement some cool experiments and to test them out? We are safe. Change can be good. Change can actually prolong life. All is well.”
Happy Changing, my dear Bellas. Thank you for being brave enough to embrace change and become the best version of yourself…the planet (and your co-workers) thanks you for it!
xoxo

Life is full of choices, and once you realize the power of our thoughts, therefore our actions, and in turn, our reality, you will always be empowered by this awesome responsibility.  You are your biggest manifester, and the world is your playground!  You create the masterpiece that is your life…and life is short, so play hard!  When life throws you lemons, make lemon-aide.  And likewise, when the sky spews forth a great miracle of white powder, play in it.  Every moment is an opportunity to make the right decision (love), whose attached sentiments will spill over in all arenas of your life.  When it snows (and damn, has it been snowing!), you could choose to grumble as you grudgingly shovel it, bitch about the water in your shoes, your foyer, and worse yet, your hair (making it Frizzy!).  Seeing this phenomenon of nature as burdensome or disastrous, will continue to solidify and manifest situations that really are pain’s in the asses, or at least perceived that way.  Why not instead, put on those rose colored glasses and choose love and happiness. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t beat it, join it”!  We can’t control mother nature, so why not surrender to it.  Take notice of the children and animals romping around outside, unaware of the cold, only to be living in the moment and relishing in the day off of school in exchange for a day frolicking in the winter wonderland!  Learn from them as you see how they view this as a gift, bestowed upon us, opposed to a grievance.  Soon, you will begin to take any “messy” situation, and make the most of it or even better, to have fun with it!  This winter, build forts, snowmen , and get down and dirty (or wet) and make snow angels!

You see, energetically speaking, winter can manifest itself in two ways: fear, or courage. Winter, meaning “to make wet”, can often times cause us to take on the qualities of water and to act in a languid, lazy, rolly-polly-like, woe-is-me type of way. During the winter months, all things in nature wither, hide, return home and enter a resting period, just as lakes and rivers freeze and snow falls.  The days become shorter, and the darkness outweighs the light.  This pattern lends itself to hibernation.  Again, your world is composed of your choices (past, present, and future) and reflects the way you experience life around you. If you choose not to play outside, retreating inward is a very acceptable and advantageous method of dealing with the cold, so long as it is dealt with in a healthy way.  Are you meditating and listening to your inner self, clarifying and manifesting what is is you truly desire, and staying warm by making love to yourself or another? Notice by honoring yourself this winter, those around you also honor and respect you.  Do not let this hibernation manifest in turning inward in a paranoid, isolated, and cold manner, entering into a cave of debilitation and paralyzation.  The result in actually being isolated from your loved ones and can end in depression and self-loathing?  Always choose love over fear and darkness.  No matter the season, be the sunflower who gravitates to the light and soak it in.

Choosing love over fear further prevents health problems from manifesting…which, as you know, no chronic health problem is without some sort of fear-based emotional or mental attachment.  Since water is the element correlated with winter, the bladder and the kidneys (two organs highly affiliated with water) can become especially vulnerable when you give in to the fear and stagnation.* The sacral chakra (about 2″ below the naval) is also governed by the water element, and is linked to creativity, sexuality, sensuality, and fertility (the conception of that project, relationship, or dream that is awaiting manifestation).  These are areas of your life which can either by hindered by the fear, or amplified by choosing to take a stand, becoming an icicle, tough and majestic with a backbone, fighting for your truth and highest purpose! The winter rhythm can, through choosing love over fear,  embody that of the seed, and a storm of unlimited potential.  It is therefore crucial to take the time this winter to clear away the pests (fears) that are taking up space in the second chakra.  It is necessary for this barrenness to take place, as in nature when the plants appear bare to the naked eye, but in reality, the true work is happening underneath the surface.  Particles (and therefore dreams) manifest out of nothingness.  In this nothingness, you can be preparing a hospitable home for your desires to take root, and to flourish and grow in the upcoming spring months, which, dear sapling, will yield tangible results for all of your hard and positive work that took place this winter.

Easy Quick Tips for a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul this Winter:

1) To reinforce courageous creativity, repeat the mantras “I chose Love”,  “Life is full of embryonic potential”, or “I embody unlimited possibilities”, as you bring your awareness to your third eye or your second chakra and water organs (genitals/uterus, kidneys, and bladder).

2) Take comfort and advantage of the element water during the winter season, enjoying the snow, making time to soak in a hot bath, letting the water meander over your body, letting it “go with the flow”.  It would be especially helpful if you can add a couple of drops of either Frankincense (great for meditative work) or lavender (for a calming affect) to marinate in (To learn about and purchase some supercharged bath salts of these essential oils, click www.tinyurl.com/sproutinglovesalts

3) Ingest a hot, water-based, yummy food or drink such as soup or tea, while holding either a Charoite or Amethyst crystal and setting the intention to let nature’s vibrations dissipate your fear-based thoughts.

4) Consider taking Mimulus and Aspen, two Bach Flower essences, sublingually or with a glass of water, to greatly minimize agitation and anxiety.

5) Whatever you do, please, do yourself and the universe a favor this winter: choose love over fear, manifestation over stagnation, meditation over isolation, and snow angels over snow shovels.

Could your relationship with your family be keeping you single? I see a lot of clients who come to me with various ailments—among them is a broken heart, an over-protected heart, or an ever-elusive relationship.  Many people come to me sad and confused because while they are seemingly doing everything right, they can’t seem to find, or perhaps hold onto, Mr. or Ms. Right.  I’ve tried everything, they lament.  I’ve done law of attraction, eHarmony, blood-type matching, psychics, you name it, and I am still alone!

Some people experience a long drought or they simply never attract potential mates into their loves.  Others are able to meet people, but cannot seem to hold onto them.  Most of these people also typically have a magic (or a not-so-magic) number of months/years, after which, the relationship fails and disintegrates.  These debilitating patterns can often times be a product of family entanglements.  You see, we are born into family constellations, or groups.  We, on a soul level, want desperately to be included and accepted, often times, at a cost.  We have so much loyalty towards our family, that we would do anything to fit in and to not betray them…even if it means staying single.  Throughout the times that I have facilitated Family Constellation Therapy, I have seen these relationship patterns play out in a variety of ways.

See if you can identify a pattern that you might be holding onto:

* Sally was in a seemingly good relationship, but got divorced at the age of 31.  Sally’s mom was divorced or abandoned by her husband at the age of 31.  (On a subconscious level, Sally would have felt guilty/disloyal if she stayed in that relationship, when her mom couldn’t be in one).

* Tom had had many opportunities to be in a committed relationship, but whenever the time came for the next step, such as marriage (after 2 years), he bails (think George Clooney).  One day, his older brother finally settles down and gets married, and Tom marries the next girl he dates.  (On a subconscious level, Tom felt guilty because in the hierarchy of families, Tom’s older brother should get married first.  His love and loyalty towards his brother kept him feeling guilty and, consequently, single).

* Mary’s mom never got married and was raped and abused by a man.  Out of love and loyalty towards mom, Mary always had a fear and mistrust of men, so much she was never able to date.

* Bob’s dad was an alcoholic and was never around.  Bob had no choice but to become the man of the house.  He energetically takes on the role of the husband, because subconsciously, he thinks he can provide more and do a better job for mom, than dad could.  Growing up, Bob has troubles keeping women around.  There is no space for a woman.  Bob already has a “wife” which is his mom.  Once he gives up that role and becomes his mom’s child again, Bob finds himself in successful relationships.

* Karen’s dad dated “the love of his life” and things didn’t work out.  Afterwards, he married Karen’s mom and had children (Karen being the first born). The father never got over his lost love and projected her qualities and their relationship onto Karen.  Both Karen and her father unconsciously placed her in the role of “the love that got away”.  Karen, like Bob above, had no room for another man in her life.  In addition, Karen is also predisposed to having the love of her life slip away.

There are hundreds of other scenarios that can play out, in addition to the above mentioned.  We become so enmeshed and entangled in our parents’ and ancestors’’ drama (who do you think your parents got it from?) and so hell bent on making our parents happy and fitting in with them, that it is easy and understandable to see why and how these things happen.  The important thing is to recognize these patterns, and to do some healing around them.  On a soul level, our parents want us to be happy.  Ask them to give you the courage and blessings to live a joyous life with loving relationships (you can do this energetically).

For those of you thinking, Me? No Way!  I want nothing to do with my family.  I will NOT end up anything like them.  This is why I moved 3,000 miles away from them!  You are also very much at risk.  Remember, in Family Constellations, your soul wants to fit in, not be the black sheep, and the more you resist “what is”, the more your soul will subconsciously gravitate towards those patterns.  It is best to recognize and accept your family, in order to disentangle yourself from their fate.  Honor their fate, but know that it does not have to be yours.  Be free, love bird.  Go find your soul mate and feel your ancestry cheering you on as you have had to the courage to break the family cycle and have a successful and loving relationship.

Hello Beautiful Bella Readers. In last month’s article, I audaciously suggested that we are turning the men in our lives into big fat pussies and then bitching about it! (In case you missed it, go back and read it here: ) I still stand by that claim, but not to worry, there is something we can do about it!  Men, by nature, don’t want to be wusses, they want to be heroes!  The best thing we can do for their self-esteem, and our own, is to let them be our heroes.  Granted, this takes some patience, practice and trust, but once it is down, you will never go back.  Following these few simple tips could allow the love to flow again, create more intimacy between you and your man, and hopefully, in turn, amp up your sex life!  Remember, sexual attraction is directly correlated from high levels of polarity or differences (regarding energy).  So, the more you are in your feminine (receiving) and the more your man is in his masculine (providing), the more vavaVOOMing!

You see, believe it or not,  a man, by nature, has a strong desire to serve and protect us.  If there is no need to serve and protect us, that their existence serves no purpose…and listen to me, they WILL gravitate towards one of those helpless chicks that you can’t stand.  You will be left there scratching your ass wondering what went wrong.  I hate to say it, but you weren’t helpless enough.  I have noticed this phenomenon plenty of times.  Trust me, I was in a 5 year dry spell.  I was so freakin’ independent that I didn’t have the space/trust/insight/feminine energy to let men do things for me.  During this 5 years of single-hood, I had to be in my masculine and feminine in order to survive.  Who else was going to lug the laundry to the laundry mat, take out the garbage, change the light bulbs, change my flat tire, and build the IKEA furniture? I got so used to depending on myself that it felt foreign, and even rude, to depend on others.  Why would I want to burden someone else if I can do it myself? What I didn’t realize is that I was burdening the man by NOT letting him do things for me.  They all lost interest and I would come to find out, time and time again, that they ended up with the very chicks they said they didn’t want (needy, co-dependant, helpless gold-diggers who are high maintennance and wouldn’t be caught dead without heals and makeup and thought dogs and nature were gross).  It seemed very confusing, but now it makes perfect sense.  I remember having a light-bulb moment regarding this.  I was dating a man who was visiting from Canada and he was such a gentleman.  I was so used to being a bag lady (you know how it is in NYC..you carry some gym clothes, books, calendars, lunch, shower stuff for after the gym, laptop, etc on your 16 hour day) and thought nothing of it.  Everywhere we went, this gentleman insisted on carrying my bags (I put up a fight, but he put up a bigger fight).  I remember giving in and handing him over some of my crap.  Instantaneously, it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders…literally and figuratively.  It was right then that I realized that we were not meant to live alone.  We are meant to live in teams or packs and share the load.  Once I got passed my fear and guilt, it was so easy to let him help me out, and furthermore, I looked over at him grinning from ear to ear.  He loved helping me and I loved letting him–what a cool concept!  In speaking with many clients, I have since encouraged them to give in a little to receiving help from their men and they too have had light bulb moments.  One girl remembers, “hmmm, the time when Colin was the best boyfriend ever, is the time I lost my purse and I was upset and crying.  He rallied and did whatever it took to get it back to me.” I hear similar stories all the time…Men need to feel useful, or else they will seek it out somewhere else.  I am not advocating that you become a helpless, hopeless nymph incapable of the smallest task, but I am suggesting you pull out your inner damsel.

How to tap into your Inner Damsel in Distress:

1) Make a list of all the tasks that you do that could be traditionally seen as masculine (ie. take out the garbage,   solve all of your problems, beat people up (hopefully not), pay the bills, move and build furniture, hang pictures, change light bulbs, fix the computer, etc.

2) Acknowledge that you are more than capable of doing all of these things and damn well (quite possibly better than the men), and that this is not an activity on sexism or abilities. Tell yourself, this is an activity on teamwork, relationship building, and receiving help (being in your feminine energy).

3) Pick out a couple of things you could stand to not do…even if it is to stop opening jars.

4) Hand those things over to your man.  They respond to short quick requests (it takes them a while to filter through the fluffy bullshit) using words like ‘please’, ‘need’, ‘help’ ‘sexy’, ‘hot’ and ‘hero’.
For example- “Justin, I need your help.  Can you please pull down that heavy suitcase for me?”.  Then, while they are doing it, you say, “oh, you are so hot/sexy/strong/manly when you do that”.  Then, an action is nice too such as pinching/spanking the butt and/or feeling his biceps.  Follow up with a “thank you, you are my hero”.

5) Feel good, watch your man feel good.

6) repeat and reap the benefits of having a more balanced relationship!

I also strongly suggest this for women who aren’t in relationships and want to manifest one.  Remember, if you are too in your masculine, there is no room to attract a guy…unless he is a pussy and wants to be manhandled (yuck!).  So, when I lived with 6 strong-minded, independent girls, we all got used to being in this space.  We began to hire a “rent a hubby” which is a handyman that comes by and does stuff for you.  We also started asking our landlord and doormen to do more things for us.  Let me tell you, at first I thought we would burden them, but those dudes LOVED coming by to help six ladies!  Trust me…it was a win-win situation where we made each others’ days.  Shortly thereafter, after I begin to receive help from a man, I met the man I am currently and happily involved with…and I let him help me everyday!  I still struggle with wanting to do everything on my own, but the benefits of giving in far outweigh the inclination to be a task hog.  Start today with pulling out the inner damsel and letting the men in your life rise up to be the hero–everyone will be happier!

It is not uncommon for me to hear clients, friends and myself commenting on what wusses guys are these days. It seems to be a growing epidemic of men who are metro-sexual and basically females with cock and balls…only they don’t know how to use them.  I have been interested in this growing phenomenon for quite some time now, as I have gone through the spectrum of men who are complete cave men, to male versions of Betty Crocker.  Ask your mom and grandma if the latter type of men existed in their hay day and they will say “absolutely not, unless they were homosexual”.

As part of a growing number of women who are increasingly gaining in self-independence, but realizing that is not necessarily making them happy, I now realize and agree with some relationship experts who argue that we are fucking things up by messing with the traditional male/female roles.  I am in no way suggesting that we women go back to barefoot with rollers attire, but I am suggesting we back off on the male energy a little bit.  New York City is among the worst for witnessing this phenomenon.  We are in the most masculine city there is.  There is always a rush, always a purpose and always a push and a drive.  The city is filled with skyscrapers that are basically erect penises protruding from the earth and into the smoggy sky.  Everyone acts in an abrupt and hectic manner and action (sometimes pushing and shoving) must be taken in order to survive.  This is masculine energy.  We need soft, nurturing women who “coo” and say hello to passer-byes and splash in the water while giggling, in order to even out some of this masculinity.  Instead, we have women who are operating full-speed in their masculine energy, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, shouting demands and orders to their coworkers and then coming home at night and continuing to do the same to the men in their lives.  In addition, many women have totally cut themselves off from their nurturing sides and are hiring nannies and dog walkers to do this for them.  Often, the mothers don’t even know what their kid’s favorite color is, but they will make up for this by storming into the teacher’s classroom and threatening to sue her for having her child sit in the back row and therefore ‘isolate’ her (trust me, I know.  I have been a school teacher for 8 years).  Even the women who wear skirts and heels aren’t fooling anyone as they walk around with such seriousness and stern expressions on their faces that they might as well be wearing military uniforms because you are half expecting them to yell at you to do some push-ups for even looking at them…I don’t care how hot your legs look in those shoes..that energy is not sexy to men!

Furthermore, a lot of women are well aware that they don’t even need a man in their life.  This is the problem.  Form follows function and if you think that men don’t perceive the thoughts that are floating around in the feminine conscious, you are wrong.  Women these days literally don’t need a man and the men know it and it makes them feel worthless and dispensable.  Women can afford to live on their own, there are tons of vibrators on the market that do tricks that no man’s penis and/or tongue could do simultaneously, and if they wanted to have a baby, they could become among the trendies who adopt overseas or get knocked up from a turkey baster.  Women don’t need men to procreate or to survive.  In fact, many women report being happier without one more thing to take care of or deal with in their lives (a man).  This attitude is infiltrating into the minds of the men.  The men, on some level, even if it is not conscious, are aware of this and acting on it.  The world persists on polarities.  So, if the women are going to take on the masculine, the men must take on the feminine.  There is no place for them and their energy and they have basically had their balls cut off by our swords of liberalism.  It is quite sad to witness this.  I see men everywhere deferring to the women to make decisions, take action, and to put together some simple IKEA furniture.  A lot of men wont even ask women out because they are so terrified of rejection. This is what we are breeding. We must be careful what we wish for. As I said, form follows function. If we are wanting to be treated like the men, we will turn into men and our men will turn into a bunch of pussies. If we want something that will suck up dirt, we will buy a vacuum, not a blender.  So ladies, do we want someone who will serve and protect us, stand by us and contribute to our lives, or do we want a pussy? If you really think about it, I think you will agree that you could breath more easily with the first one, and if so, we must change our thoughts and attitudes, so that men can come back to being the beautiful and wonderful martians they were meant to be, serve their natural born functions, and come into to that sexy, manly form.  In next month’s article, I will be giving tips on how to do just that, so please check back in! In the meantime, send loving energy to the men in your life and tell them one way in which you couldn’t live without them…our future and happiness depends on it!

Recently, we transitioned from the hot summer, to the crisp fall. Fall is the time of the year when squirrels gather nuts for the long and dark winter. It is also a good time for us humans to gather and store up some money before the upcoming holiday gift frenzy and a must-need Caribbean getaway to escape the bitter cold.

However, saving and storing money is easier said than done.  Money is energy.  And just like love, success and all of the other ‘sweet stuff’ in life that we are supposed to want and be able to bring in, we have difficulties.  How many of you find yourself saying, “well, I want money, but I’m just not getting it!”.  Or, “I seem to attract money, but as soon as I get it, it goes away.”  Well, let me ask you strait out, “DO YOU REALLY WANT MONEY?”  On the surface, you are rolling your eyes and saying “DUH”.  However, if deep down, you really felt comfortable with it, you would have it.  Believe me, when I started going over my money story and embedded beliefs, I felt like there is no way I wouldn’t want more of that green paper.  However, the deeper I began to dig, I realized that I really wasn’t on par with receiving it.  Having led many Family Constellation Therapy sessions (a powerful healing modality where we release entanglements from our ancestors), I have seen how many times we say, “show me the money” and often times, we can’t accept or attract it.  In a nut-shell, we may be enmeshed in the fate of our ancestry.  Many times, we follow them, which looks to us like self-sabotage.  There is a lot to uncover with this issue, but the first thing you can do is to bring the patterns.

Ask yourself the following questions and journal the answers.  I am positive you will notice some similarities between the fam and your current money situation!

1) What is my mom’s money story/history/belief?

2) What is my dad’s money story/history/belief?

3) Were any of my relatives/ancestry involved in loosing a huge amount of money?

4) Did any of my relatives/ancestry live in poverty, get their possessions taken away from them, etc (ie. the Jews in World War II, etc).

5) Did any of my relatives/ancestry achieve a large sum of money or property through a ‘bad’ means (ie. slavery or coercion)?

6) What is the money situation of my friends around me?

Often times, when answering these questions, we uncover hidden beliefs around money (ie. that it is evil, unattainable, etc.).  The most common thing I see when doing the therapy is that people have so much love and loyalty towards their family (siblings, parents, etc) that they don’t want to surpass them or ‘show them up’ by making more money than them.  They would feel like they were betraying the family, or that they aren’t ‘those’ types of people, so they play small.  More importantly, we humans fear being the black sheep.  Our family is our tribe and closely related to survival.  It is imperative that the soul fit in with the tribe for protection (like a gang), and the soul often fears that if they are different than their tribe (ie. they are making a butt load of money and the family is scraping by on peanuts), that they will no longer ‘fit-in’ or be considered a part of the group.  No amount of money will give someone the security of having a solid position within the tribe or family.  If this is threatened, and being an outsider is a possible result, we see why it is so often a big risk to make a lot of money when it is not the family norm.  I also see the same phenomenon exists between friends.  Who wants a successful rich friend when the crew is commiserating around ramen noodles? This thought pattern can and does lead many to play it safe and make little or just enough money to get by on.

While these fears are certainly viable, it has also been in my experience that your ancestry and parents want the best for you.  They want you to be successful.  They learn and experience everything that they have to pass on to you to in turn, be better.  It is the call of nature to keep the lineage going and to hand over the tools in hopes that the next of kin will have a better future.  In fact, the ancestry feels frustrated if they have sacrificed a lot in their life (in some cases, their lives) and you have followed them into their fate instead of making your fate great.  Do yourself and your ancestry a favor today–do not let their hard work pass in vain.  Make your life great–in all areas of life.  Play big and make them proud.

By now, you hopefully did some de-cluttering this past spring–threw out those stained panties, that dried-up can of paint, unsubscribed to some spam emails, and tossed the milk carton dated from March of ’09 and got some much needed rest this summer.  What’s left to dispose of? Well, this last step is the hardest, but probably the most necessary…it is time to get rid of your outdated relationships, or clean up and re-organize them.  I am in no way insinuating that people are disposable or dispensable…of course not.  All people are beautiful souls who are priceless.  But, sometimes their expiration date in your life runs out.  This is more common than we think, and on some level, even explains why there are so many divorces these days.  Again, I want to make sure that you understand that I am NOT saying relationships are futile and not worth fighting for.  They are, as long as it is not a battle that exhausts both parties more than adds joy to both parties and everything has been done to try to salvage it with no success.

As the old saying goes, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”  Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever, and sometimes, holding on past the expiration date can be draining to both involved.  There are many souls that bop in and out of our lives, just to teach us important lessons.  We humans mirror to other humans what it is that we need to work on.  With some tenacity, we meet this challenge with grace.  Sometimes, when this has been accomplished, two people part ways and meet others to teach through their involvement with one another.  And sometimes, the two continue to evolve and grow together for a very long time…perhaps an entire lifetime and many other lifetimes.  The word “relationship” has the word RELATE inside of it. We are humans who are meant to relate to other humans in order to grow and progress.  At some point, if we are no longer relating to one another, we have to let go, or fine a way that we can relate.
This is really tough to do because our friendships and relationships are rooted in our identity.  Our tribe, our survival, and therefore our identities our often “rooted” (this can affect our root chakra) in our friendships…especially our earlier friendships.  Often times, the prospect of letting go of a friendship signals to us that our survival is threatened.  Biologically, this makes sense.  It is natural for these fears to arise.  However, if we really look at our friendships and relationships with some awareness, we may be surprised to find that they are actually COMPROMISING our survival.

Ask yourself the following about a relationship in question:

*When I am around Hilda (or fill-in-blank), I leave feeling exhausted!
*When I am around Hilda, I receive an earful, but am devoid of giving a mouthful.  In other words, she talks, and I listen.  And, she talks so much, she never remembers that I have heard the same damn story of how she screwed the mailman about 5,000 times!
*When I am around Hilda, I cannot be my true self without fear of being ridiculed and unaccepted. She always makes fun up me for having an affinity towards men in uniform (sanitation worker uniforms).
*Our relationship giving ratio is 95:5, Me: Hilda
*Hilda and I have nothing in common and the only thing we relate on is that we both like to pluck our eyebrows to avoid letting anyone see our  uni-brows.
*And lastly, this is a toughie…Do I want to be lumped in as the same “type” of person as Hilda?

This is a hard question to answer and I really struggled with this one.  I had gotten through the whole list above with some of my old high school and college friends back home, and it was not looking good.  Then, the final wake-up call came about 5 years ago when we all went out to celebrate our birthdays.  We went out for what was supposed to be a fun and easy-going birthday dinner.  We had ordered our food, chatting away.  When the meals came, one of the girls had asked for cracked pepper and the waiter regretfully informed us that there was no cracked pepper, just regular.  She was shocked and took it as a personal blow.  She retorted, “No cracked pepper?  What kind of establishment is this? If I had known there was no black pepper, I never would have come here!  In fact, I’m tempted to leave”.  All of the other sheep started chiming in and threatened to leave, and kept bashing the place, the waiter and even wanting to talk to the manager.  The waiter looked hurt and pissed and looked strait at me.  “No, no, no.  Not me.” I communicated with my eyes to him, “I could give a shit about the pepper.  I am not like this.  These are not my friends!” I could tell it was too late.  It was guilt by association.  I was lumped into this group.  I was mortified.  I realized that you are judged and “known” by the company you keep.  If a good friend wants to wear a fedora on her elbow daily and I too get assumed to be a weirdo, I don’t care.  But, I do care if I am being labeled as rude, ungrateful and bitchy because of the company I keep.  I knew the relationship had to end with theses old girls.  They once served a purpose.  It was fun to talk first kisses with them and to do jello shots together, but our priorities and values had diverged.  We could no longer relate…it was time to let go.
I encourage you too, dear reader, to take on the painful (but ultimately beneficial task) of clearing out old relationships.  You don’t have to drop them like bad habits.  You can gracefully and gradually make yourself less available, you can talk to your friend about what you too do relate on, or you can gently approach your friend and explain to her that you need more.  Remember though, the ball is in your court and their is nobody in charge, but yourself.  The next time your version of Hilda is blabbing on and on without a breather, gently jump in and say, “Oh, that reminds me of the time I….”, start asking for help and start expressing what your needs are.  Chances are, that person will comply and start chipping in more…after all, he/she was probably just following your lead and didn’t realize you needed to be heard and seen as well.  If the person doesn’t respond in a healthful way, you probably don’t need or want this person robbing you of your life-force energy anyway…it is best to shut that door and make room for others with a more balanced give-and-take approach and who the two of you can relate to more and to learn and grow together.  Energetically continue to send love and well-being to your past friend/lover/co-worker, but affirm that they were in your life for a reason or a season, and your are committed to those who will hang throughout your lifetime! x0

Shit happens and will continue to happen. That is life.  It is the way it has always been.  But, your reaction to the shit that happens can make it a minor dollop and not a major blowout with a change of underwear, clothing, residence, etc.  When you boil everything down, you only have one decision to make: Do I accept this, or change this? That’s as simple as it gets.  Often times people see things as an outside force that HAPPENS TO THEM, rather than things being a manifestation of the inside force of God, or our creative selves.  To me, I would rather believe in the latter, so that I feel self-empowered.  Once we wrap our brains around the idea that we create our lives, and when we get past the initial shock over it and the ensuing accountability and responsibility, it is actually quite liberating and exciting!

With each worry that comes along, ask yourself “Is there a way I can change this?”  More often than not, there actually is a way you can change the situation. And remember, you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.  Then ask yourself, “Do I really want to change the situation.” You would be surprised at how many clients I have, that say, “I want to rid myself of xyz”, but when we start digging, they are petrified to let go of xyz.  XYZ has become a huge part of their identity, their story, their sympathy and maybe the only way thus far that they’ve been able to receive attention and nurturing.  For some, it is how they stay connected and bonded to their friends or family.  There are many reasons for people holding on to negative patterns or dis-ease, but if it lasts longer than a year, it is purely emotional.  You see, the body has the innate and keen capability of regenerating and repairing…that is what it does best.  Within 11 months time, all of our cells are brand-spanking-new…fresh out of the cell generator…perfect and untainted!  It is our thoughts and belief system that taint them.  If we continue to believe, or want to believe that we are still sick, we will inform our cells of this, and they will act accordingly.  If you chose to deal with those deep emotions and trauma and move towards a place of peace, forgiveness, and acceptance, the cells can regenerate and move on. You can choose to inform your mind, and therefore your cells, otherwise.

Maybe, even realizing this, you would still like to stay in passive/victim mode where you prefer not to be the one “in charge”, “to blame”, to “celebrate”, etc.  That is all good and fine, but don’t curse God every time something goes wrong, unless you are curing your inner God or co-creator. You see, you are the boss, the creator, the God of your mind, body and soul.   If you decide to accept this “fate” and to free yourself from any responsibility, that is fine.  Just accept that the power was in your hands, and you chose to reject it and stay in a holding pattern for a while.  No judgment.  Accept that whatever it is that you are dealing with is still teaching you something, protecting you from something, and serving you in some way.  Then, I suggest you check back in with the issue after a month, 3 months, 6 months, and a year, and journal the same questions:

1. What are you still teaching me/ what am I still learning from you?

2. What are you still protecting me from?

3. Who are you connecting me to?

4. How else are you still serving me?

5. What part of myself/identity am I at risk of losing if you leave me?

6. Am I ready to let this go

7. Can I accept the consequences for my decision no matter what it is (commitment to get better, or commitment to stay in that place for a while longer)?

When and if you are ready to let whatever dis-ease, ailment or nuance go, you will know when you are ready, and you will be prepared and excited to do so and to alter your role in the situation accordingly…Until then, accept that you have accepted the current conditions.
Other times, you need to accept something that can’t be changed, unless you take extreme measures such as operation.  Accept and honor that third nipple of yours, your unique bone structure, that your parents are in fact your parents (at least accept that you were created from them and share a lot of DNA and cellular memory), accept that you live on the planet at this time, and accept that the skin that you are in is the beautiful shade that it is.
Once again, when you decide to either accept or change a current situation, you can move on, for the time being.  I love the Serenity Prayer and share it with you.  When you are feeling stuck, ask for help from both the universal God, and your internal God, or creator.