Authors note: Hello Bella life readers, it is that time of the year again to get in shape…with your house! I am a firm believer in the relationship between how the outside mirrors the inside and visa-versa. I hope this article helps you get back on track. As an adjunct, I did a whole 4-part de-cluttering series last spring here on Bella Life that I totally recommend that you check out or re-do again They are chock full of step-by step fun tips on how to create more space for grace! ~Natalie~

Challenge #1 – Go From Crappy To Happy

Challenge #2 – Clothes – ter – phobic

Challenge #3 – Bringing Sexy Back

Final Challenge – Space With Grace

Spring is the time your best self gets sprung forth and declares its unique existence and expression to the universe. In keeping with the notion of law of attraction (like attracts like), it is natural, and advisable to want your outside appearances to match your inside appearances, and visa versa. Winter is all about “behind the scenes” and under the surface growth. We cannot see the maggots and other decomposers gnawing away at the roots of the trees underneath (thank goodness). Likewise, we too cover up our surfaces by making cocoons and love burritos of ourselves as we wrap up in blankies and wear sleeping bags (my term for my full-body puffy coat), scarves, hats, gloves, muffs, leg warmers, etc. around any remaining orifice. Good. Fine. You went with Nature’s rhythm. However, spring is quite the contrary. It is a rebirth and when you came outta mom, guess what? You were naked! In all of your shiny and messy glory, you screamed at the top of your lungs, and made a loud-ass entrance. It is time to do it again! Get naked and make a loud-ass entrance, “Look at me. I’m a HOOOTTTTIIIEEEE inside and out”!

What I mean by this is strip down those extra layers and show thy true self! You are the beautiful little sapling breaking through the soil and showing off. Now trust me, I am NOT about appearances for appearance sake, but I AM however a fan of the notion that “as within, so without”, meaning that your inside life and outside life are rather concurrent and it is something worth exploring further. Just as your sweet, green soft sapling skin is so pure, clean and beautiful, so should your surroundings and environment be as to maintain this untainted deliciousness. So, I am not asking you to become a stripper (though that would be hot and I’ve seen your moves…you could make a MINT!) but instead to commit to clean house both inside and out. In doing so, you are creating the opportunity to de-clutter your mind, body and soul, allowing that which really shines to show–uncrowded and unencumbered by junk.

Task: I am going to ask you to go through your home and get rid of at least 3 big bags worth of stuff (if you want specifics, refer to my past de-cluttering series–details below). Enlist in the help of some buddies, or have them do the same chore at home and donate the bags together or gather for a stoop sale (a yard or garage sale if you live in the burbs)! Stoop sales are particularly popular in Brooklyn and people go gaga for everything! I happen to have a stoop and do about 5 stoop sales a year, so let me know if you want to collaborate and “stoop it up”. Be sure to set an intention for the money you make, whether it is to give the money to charity, or buy yourself a facial or colonics (two self-care activities that also coincide with spring de-cluttering–give your pores and your bung-hole the gift of being as clean as a whistle). As you set about doing the task of getting rid of your shabby drabbies, you will feed yourself some mantras and keep your eye on the prize:

1) Keep this quote in mind when you are struggling to forfeit that 15 year old hand bag –
“One person’s junk is another person’s treasure.”

2) Blast a little Cyndi Lauper and sing to yourself as you trash those unflattering sweatpants with hair-dye stains, “I can see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them show, Your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0KFlbqX8 (link to her kick-ass truly colorful video).
3) As you part with that torn blankie and binkie from babyhood, affirm that –

“I live in the now. Now is the perfect time.”                                                                                                 4) While painstakingly bagging your Troll doll collection, tell yourself –

“more space = more grace”.
5) When spackling the mice-chewed holes in your wall, declare –

“home improvement = self improvement.”
Once you’ve gathered your 3 or more (I expect more) bags of junk (I mean, your precious past possessions), I want you to do a little ritual with them. As you stand before them, say “In parting with these physical attachments and possessions, I too part with other unhealthy attachments in my life that I’ve held onto for too long.” If you want to get specific, (I recommend you do), follow that with “…namely my co-dependant relationship with my best-friend, my need to mother my mother, my obsession with wet puppy dog noses, my position of “lack”, my irrational fear of belly button lent, my desire to be a My Little Pony, my unwillingness to give up the camel-toe look…”. You get the idea…these are all pretty common things, but feel free to tailor them to all your individual idiosyncrasies. Whatever comes up for you, let it out. Then, call on ascended master and Hindu goddess Lakshmi to help you Let Go (her specialty). Finally, request that divine energy flows through you replacing any of those fears/attachments with love and light.

*Disclaimer, be near a bathroom, because sometimes clearing out the old sends you running towards the pot! In addition, don’t be surprised inf you start going #2 more often in general, shed some pounds, and clear up your skin as these are all, in party, physical manifestations for holding on to something for way too long and with too tight a grip.

OK Bellas, start getting naked–delayer the house and strip down.

Its essence of life is so palpable; you can taste it, smell it, see it, sense it, and hear it. Spring fills our senses with such richness as we relish in the flavor of earth and sweetness of fresh and juicy fruits and veggies, as we smell the fragrant flowers adorning the walkways, as we see and feel the first sprouts (love sprouts xo) of plant life so pure and pristine with its green skin soft and supple like the perfection of a newborn, and as we listen to the birds chirping their sweet song, a melody pure and true.

We, as beings of nature, can’t help to get swept up in the natural rhythm of spring as we too sprout upward and outward declaring to the world, “Here I am! Check me out!” and move about expressing ourselves unabashedly and organically. Along with exposing more skin, we tend to expose more of ourselves, our gifts, and our preferences to the world. While this is a wonderful and much needed change, sometimes we don’t welcome our expansion and growth with open arms. Change can stress us out and send us into a tailspin at times. This is where we can learn from Mother Nature.

This spring, understand that we are supported by our fellow plant friends. You see, plants are imprinted with the mechanism of survival. Plants have a knowing that they shall easily and effortlessly receive and expend energy in a symbolic fashion in order to thrive in this world. Furthermore, the plant is equipped with tools from its ancestors for adaptations in order to sustain itself in times of stress. The plant can and will temporarily burst upward if in dire need of sunlight, and therefore sacrifice some parts of self for the parts that need sunlight. When the desired need is met, the plant will retreat back to normal stature and size and restore peace and harmony in the system once the threat has passed. The same is true if the plant is lacking water. In fact, I doubt the plant ever uses such fear-based terminology as “lack”, but simply takes this opportunity to dip into its storehouse of reserves, rations out its water, and goes on living its life. Its constant calmness and preparedness allow the plant to transcend normal pattern of ebb and flow, drought VS constant rain cloud, and to come though with grace and ease. The plant, often times, exhibits such external beauty and poise throughout the process, still managing to take care of itself whilst not bringing others down with them. There is no commiserating and no talk of the “Gloom and Doom”, but rather still existing with the goal of living a good life and providing pleasure, smiles, and comfort to others.

This spring, I encourage you reader’s everyday to become more like the plant. Learn to take change in stride. After all, the planet seems to be more and more unpredictable as the years pass, and their is no way of knowing what is in store for us (good and the “unfortunate”). As long as we remain calm at the core, we can survive anything. It is not what happens that counts, but how you react that counts. At our origin, we are not so far away from plants. We are all products of Mother Nature, celestial father, and of source, at our cellular level. Unite once more with your true essence. I encourage you, at least once daily, to do the following exercise. This is not hard to do, even in NYC!

If you open your eyes, there is an abundance of trees and flowers ALL OVER Manhattan and its boroughs, so start with the below steps.

1)Bring your attention to a living plant/tree/flower

2)Admire something about that plant (its strength, resilience, beauty, resourcefulness, softness, ability to make someone happy, enabling someone to breath easier, yummy smell, the ease it possesses to go with the flow and embrace change, etc.)

3)Admire the same quality or desired quality about yourself

4)Ask the plant and universal ancestors (Mother Nature and divine celestial father) to bless you and give you the courage to manifest more of this quality within yourself and around you

5)Witness your life blooming into a beautiful world!

Editors Note: This is something that I have to admit I have done many times in my past. I can’t say that I have ever followed an actual Guru, but with the amount of Life Coaches, spiritual teachers, therapists and even doctors that have walked through my life who’s words I clung to like a chocolate chip cookie that would cure my world I can now see I have been making Guru’s out of people for a long time. Have you? Find out below with our article from Natalie Berthold! ~Nitika~

Why is it these days that almost everyone I know is seeking a Guru? People inquiring “Who’s your Guru?” has gotten just as common place recently as those in Indiana asking “Hoosier (Who’s your) Daddy? (sorry, I’m from Indiana, and it’s an old joke). Is it so that someone else can tell us what to do and alleviate ourselves from responsibility until this darned life is over…unscathed until the next one? Sure, the universe made humans to help other humans. My very livelihood depends on people seeking me out for advice, being both a teacher and an energy worker and counselor. Additionally, I thank God for those with other talents that I don’t possess…Chefs, masseuses, people who don’t mind scraping dead skin off my feet, dentists, farmers, architects, garbage men,etc. We all have valid and important skills to go around to help one another…but we shouldn’t seek out someone of a perceived different “status” of which to live under by his or her feet, and avoiding life.

Sure, every year I get my hug from Amma, feel all warm and snuggly inside, but then I go back to the real world. This doesn’t mean I forget about her and live like a hellion until the following year. It means I take her (the child-like innocence that she represents) as my one of many tools in the tool box, and apply them to LIFE. I don’t want this article to be misperceived…we all have moments of breakdown and inquiry of life and we might need serious help. I know many that have benefited greatly from spending a couple of weeks at an ashram to sort themselves out and to remove themselves from the everyday grind in order to re-prioritize! Hello, I love Eat, Pray, Love just like the rest of you..and our beloved Julia Roberts. However, it is the constant searching, living, grasping for a Guru that can be problematic. It is the running away to an ashram or a cave for years so that you can escape earthly responsibilities, that is a problem..and under the guise of studying under a guru.

Furthermore, tragically, it is not healthy to worship someone who may or may not be who they represent. It seems that almost every beloved eastern guru, when moved out west, falls prey to scandal..emotional, financial, and/or sexual abuse…some even justify it as doing others a favor by “breaking down their egos”. Many “guru’s” legitimize sexual abuse by calling it “Tantric Initiation” or “transferring their holy energy”. The Course of Miracles states to never make an idol out of anyone. This is how these things happen in the first place…a hierarchy is made and therefore an uneven distribution of power is created, and control and manipulation come easy…I truly believe that some of these guru’s don’t even know they are doing it because it is that effortless. We open ourselves up for this type of betrayal by giving them so much power. The fact of the matter is, no true Guru would engage in abusive behaviour. With true love, there are NO power struggles and no feelings of abandonment or wrongdoing…if you are truly “enlightened”. The other fact is, Gurus are people too. They make mistakes. So, when we place all of our stock onto one individual, and they f&ck up, our world crumbles.

The purpose of this article is not Guru bashing, or Guru-worshiper bashing. I have seen so many Gurus in this world who seem to be loving and amazing individuals, certainly worthy of looking up to and being used as a role model with which to live our lives. These Gurus though, the true ones, do not seek out fame. They do not seek to be worshiped. This would actually make them uncomfortable. They do, however, seek that you are living the best version of YOURSELF. Not their version. You are not living their life. You are living a more “normal” life, and you need to apply their teachings out into the real world. To really honor your Guru, do not live your life in vein. Make a life for yourself consisting of love and prosperity given the circumstances that you were individually given.

Lastly, I invite you to look for everyday gurus. These are people in your local community (friends, lovers, bakers, barbers, etc) who are living a life of love that you can parallel….they do not have to be the type who wear white robes and you smear honey on their feet and chant their name in mala beads, but rather, they are ordinary peeps doing extraordinary things. We are surrounded by real life gurus! You are one as well! The real Guru is yourself. We all have God inside of us…that is, that creative ability and energy that is all-powerful. When we constantly seek the ‘law’ from outside of ourselves, we are denying our own power. A Guru, by definition, is one who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom and authority in certain areas…Please don’t forget that you are the most wise and authoritative when it comes to your own life. Your innate internal wisdom is infinite. The new acronym for Guru is “G-U-R-U” ( Gee, You Are You). Congratulations. You do have a Guru…and he/she is the most powerful and knowing of them all…Yourself.

Editors Note: Our Bella Life Contributor Natalie Berthold is always so candid in her writing and we love that about her! Read her article and feel as though no matter where you are with your love conversation we are HERE and you are NOT alone. ~Nitika~

Are you one of those who wants to vomit if you see one more goddamn heart or cupid adorning a shop window? February is traditionally known as the month of love, but this is not always the case. Often times we are single and baffled. Worse yet, we are in healthy relationships, but trying to sabotage them. Before you surrender yourself to spinsterhood, with the 18 cats and the obnoxious robe and curlers, you might want to consider the following possibility…

We are all born into family systems, or constellations. Our soul group with our family is very tight and whether we like our family or not, we do love them, and we are connected to them on a very deep and energetic level. We have so much love and loyalty to them (again, you may not consciously feel this, but it is certain on the unconscious level), that we would do anything to remain a part of it. Our worst nightmare, as a soul in our family cluster, is to be separated and isolated. We want desperately to be included, which is why our inability to form or keep relationships might be due to some family entanglements.

Even though we become entangled out of loyalty and love on the subconscious and celestial level, these entanglements only hurt ourselves and others on the waking, earth-based level.. I have been in a great relationship with a wonderful man for over a year, but it took me a long time to not reject it. I was constantly confused about how I felt. I loved him and knew that he was by far the most stellar and amazing man I have ever dated, but at times, I had an inclination to bolt. Furthermore, I would sacrifice his and our happiness, for that of friends’. I was so aware of not wanting to hurt my friends, that I would often hurt him (ie. not being affectionate with him around my friends, always hanging out with my friends, over him, etc). There was no rational reason for my behavior, so I started digging deeper..

I do workshops on family constellations and I know that taking on family patterns can sometimes be the culprit. I started taking inventory of my relatives: My older brother and only sibling, alone and single almost his whole life. My dad, alone and single. My mom, alone and single. My mom’s 3 brothers, alone and single and always have been. My mom’s 2 sisters, alone and single. My mom’s parents, one deceased and one alone and single (even in their living relationship, they lived separate lives). My dad’s parents, alone and single, along with all of his six siblings except for 2. It is plain to see, the pattern in my family is “to be alone and single”. For my soul to feel like it fits in with the rest of my family, it wants “to be alone and single”.

When I asked myself honestly, and paid attention to my gut reaction, “Do you feel guilty for being in a relationship?”, my immediate response was YES! I was flooded with shameful emotions. This also carried over to my single girlfriends who could not be happy for me. I felt guilty for having a relationship when most of my friends didn’t. One even cried and cried when I told her the news that my beau and I were moving in together. These were not tears of happiness….

I spent most of my relationship thus far feeling guilty, questioning it, and wondering if I should just leave it…after all, I finally fit in when I was single. I spent most of my life feeling like an outsider…a square peg in a round hole. Then, I went through a period of 5 years being single. My family and I could relate. My mom and I would almost “brag” about how we didn’t need a man…and we kept reinforcing this message, and receiving no man. After all, we were smart, capable, and not directionally challenged like some of our female counterparts. What did we need a man for? It’s not that we disliked them, in fact, we love men…but not for partners. Furthermore, my dad and my brother became the my main men…we gossiped and counseled and talked about everything under the sun…and I was their woman…I was the one they turned to for advice, gentleness and a dose of drama to keep things exciting. I felt closer to my family then I ever had.

Being single for so long, sure, I was sex deprived ,but shit, I had so many friends that I never felt lonely. My friends and I could commiserate, and most of the time, celebrate, about our single-hood and freedom–though we used this freedom to meditate and eat ice-cream, rather than chase boys and be naughty. It didn’t matter. We were a team, with a united front with a common message. We didn’t need any guy to make us happy..shit, we had slumber parties, reality TV show gatherings, mani/pedi days, etc. We were like little Kelly Clarksons running around singing, “Miss Independent”, with a proud smirk on our faces. Our power posse of singletons was growing in number and popularity. It became cooler to be single than to be in a relationship. “Suckers”, we would quip as we lamented for the poor groping couple on the park bench as we skipped along with our “girls only” picnic crew. The fun never ended…that is until I got a boyfriend. I’m not even that girl who spends or even wants to spend a shitload of time with my beau…I learned that painful lesson five years prior with my possessive and jealous man at the time. But, no matter what, in this new relationship, I never felt like I could please everybody, and I certainly felt disloyal to everybody.

I began to recognize this pattern in others too…like with my mom…I truly believe she shies away from relationships for the same reason (she too has a fabulous man who will probably wait for her until she dies, but that she always keeps at arms length). She feels remorse, guilt and sadness that none of her siblings have/had “normal” lives and have no partners. We, out of love and loyalty, think that if they can’t have “it”, why should we. I put “it” in quotes, because you can exchange the word relationships for any other word: a hot bod, money, status, luck, following our dreams, whatever. We often deprive ourselves of many things, because our mom, dad, brother/sister, whoever doesn’t have them.

In reality, even though a family member or friend might suffer from some short-term jealousy or feelings of loss, they definitely want you to be happy and want the best for you. When I work with clients, and they ask (energetically) for their family’s blessing to move on, 99% of the other party, eventually, is more than willing, and very happy to give them their blessing. This is our own fear based thinking that keeps us stuck in a holding pattern.

This Valentines, you don’t have to be alone. By following this process below, you can finally be at ease with your relationship choices, like I am. I am now loud and proud about by feelings toward my boyfriend!

I want you to do an honest check on your relationship situation.

Are you single? Afraid of commitment? In a bad/abusive relationship? In a good relationship, but scared shitless? Always with cheaters? Always the cheater?

Whatever the case may be, see if you can identify family members, or even close friends with the same patterns.

Ask yourself honestly, if you would feel guilty if your situation was otherwise. Ask yourself if you would feel like you were betraying one or more people in your soul cluster if you had a great relationship.

If the answer is yes, you’ve got work to do, babycakes. .

You need to cut the cords and disentangle yourself from those on the other end of the manacles.

Ask (energetically) that this person/persons be able to give you the blessing and courage to disentangle yourself from this burden and be free. Then go, little lovebird…fly far far away…make your family and friends proud…and find that special someone…stop waiting and start loving!

Happy Valentines Day!

Every year, millions of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions, and millions of Americans fail. In recent studies, between 85-95% of Resolutions fall flat….most of them before January is over. There is a myriad of reasons why, but typically, we bite off too much, and we choose a behavior that we are so hardwired for, not even Neo from the Matrix could decode it. Are we supposed to just throw up our hands in despair? No! Why not just set ourselves up for success!

Making New Year’s Resolutions is uncommon in most countries. Many countries I have visited have made fun of us for participating in this maddening and torturous habit every year–focusing on what we are not doing well, and trying to change that. The majority of other countries around the world do cute little rituals involving good luck tokens, usually involving food. For example, in Spain, the Spaniards eat 12 grapes at midnight, to represent good luck for the 12 months to come. The Norwegians make rice pudding, and hide an almond for the “lucky one” to ingest. The Americans, well, we drink a lot, wake up hung over, and make lists of shit we suck at and go through extreme measures in the beginning of January to “do better”, only to fail miserably and further perpetuate the cycle in our heads of how big of a loser we are.

The history of New Year’s resolutions dates back to 153 BC when Janus, a mystical Roman King, had two faces..one for peering in the past, and one for looking into the future. Janus (January) became the symbol for the New Year, and most people honored this fresh start by looking for forgiveness with enemies, and exchanging gifts with family and friends. We, on the contrary, make this “fresh start” by making enemies with ourselves. We put all of our blood sweat and tears into something for about 2 weeks, and then throw up our hands, saying, “f&ck it, in surrender. Why do we continue this loosing battle, year after year? Why not create a New tradition? I call it “New Years Revolution!” You revolve, or go back, to being who you really are! The best way to do this? Bring more JOY in your life. In recent years, I’ve led workshops on focusing on what we did do well, and continuing to grow those behaviors, thus crowding out, or leaving little space for the less desirable behaviors.

At our true essence, we are all joy-filled, passionate, unabashed love bugs. Upping the ante on those types of activities that remind you of this, will naturally make you a better person….no need to nitpick on everything you aren’t doing, or could improve upon.
This new years, why not try to make resolutions , or revolutions, that are FUN and that you can keep! Revolutions that we can WIN at, not lose at.

Step 1: Make a list of all the things you find joy in and that remind you of the bright-eyed, innocent, child-like goober you once were and really are:

*puppies
*wet puppy noses
*dancing
*plucking out gray hairs
*yoga
*frolicking in nature
*licking frosting out of the canister
*listening to music
*cooking a healthy meal
*making living room forts
*traveling
*playing hopscotch
*buying fresh flowers for the home
*spying on the neighbors
*making sweaters out of bellybutton lent
*being touched (ie. massage, boyfriend time, etc)
*etc.

Step 2-Allocate a reasonable amount of time to each joy-filled event.

Hopefully, like me, you can think of a shitload of things that make you happy. For this reason, I recommend that you prioritize. In your list, order them from the most stupendously orgasmically enjoyable, to mildly enjoyable. Then, focus on your top 5! For each of those top 5, pick an amount of time to dedicate to it in 2011 that is both attainable and achievable. Remember, we are creating New Year’s Resolutions/Revolutions that will LAST. This must be something that is do-able, or else you will give up. So while it sounds wonderful to say, “I will travel every day of the year”, or “I will be around wet puppy noses every 5 minutes”, these are unreasonable goals, and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
On the flip side, you don’t want to cheat yourself. Saying, “I vow to dance once a year”, is too easy, and you are robbing yourself of joy.
A more reasonable expectation would be something like, “I will get a mani/pedi every month”. This is maintainable, and wont break your time and money bank. It brings joy and relaxation in your life, and gives you something to be grateful for and something positive to focus on.
Everything else on your list, (#6 through #1, 349, 645) become icing on the cake. This is like bonus points. If you’ve ever done Weight Watchers, the extra activities you do on the list are like “free foods” or flex points. You can have an unlimited amount as long as you’ve already achieved your top 5 for the week/month/year. The more (joy) the merrier!

Step 3- Make your Merriment Goals Visible
Make a sticker chart, coupons, a spread sheet, tally chart…whatever organizational tool you need to hold yourself accountable, of your Top 5 That Make You Jive. Post this somewhere where you will see it daily. Include the time goal you have set with it (Ex- Take a trip every 4 months, Tickle a baby every 5 weeks, etc.).

Step 4-
Do them

Step 5-
Experience more JOY in your life, thereby crowding away your crumby aspects

Step 6 – Share the JOY with others. (recommended, but optional)
See how positivity is courageous. Know that you are contributing to a healthier happier universe, by taking care of yourself. Feel good about effortlessly sending out good vibrations to others.
Also, we could learn a little something from the Romans…we too could try to make amends with all enemies and freinemies. Life is short. Why carry around so much baggage of anger, pain and bitterness? It’s all about the HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Editors Note: This article is an excellent reminder of the challenge many of us face around the holidays – spending time with the family! Although most of us adore our family members, that doesn’t mean past troubles and current anoyances don’t pop up. Read below to get yourself ready to share a great holiday with your family! ~Nitika~

It’s that magical time of the year again…the time when tinsel paints the town gold and silver and unabashedly calls for attention, where Christmas trees are as tall as the skyscrapers who host them, and ladies doing the Can-Can adorn the billboards. A NYC Christmas is about as whimsical as you can get. Even my mother, who likens travel to a sharp poke in the eye, fell in love with NYC’s allure during the holidays. For me, it is the only time of the year where I am truly forgiving of the crappy weather. Somehow, the majestic-ness of the ice-skating rinks and the Swarovski diamonds cancel out the cold.

Aside from all of the glitter and glee however, there is an infamous side of Christmas as well; being with family for an extended period of time, attending countless holiday parties, waiting in huge lines to sit on Santa’s lap, and trying to say no to the endless display of eggnog and sprinkled cookies that are almost too cute to eat (almost). And of course, we have some business to take care of in terms of holiday gift giving. What do you get your family that isn’t as mundane as socks, not as useless as a S’mores maker, and not as gaudy as a crystalline figurine? I can’t help you with the long Santa lines….that is the price we must endure for sitting on the lap of a fat jolly man, but I can help you with gift giving.

I have been doing Family Constellation Therapy for some time now, and what I learned through the process, has enabled myself and others to establish stronger, healthier relationships both with relatives and the self. So how do you have a less adversarial relationship with family? What will win the “Gift of the Year” award? Drum-roll please (dolodoldolodum): You MYOB. Yup. Mind our own business/beeswax. This is one of the toughest things to implement, but the gains are well worth it, and it is truly the best holiday gift!

You see, we are far too entangled in our family’s affairs. Basically, every time we try to “take care” of our siblings, parents, or grandparents, we are entangling ourselves where we don’t belong. The thing is, we do this out of love. We earnestly believe our unsolicited advice (or even solicited) is going to be well received and welcomed, taken and integrated, and save lives. We must realize that we are not serving anyone here. In theory, we are hopeful that everyone benefits…in our precious dreams, dear family members’ lives improve, and we feel less “guilt”, as it serves our helping heart strings. The problem is, it further entangles and strangles us because we are taking away one’s right to suffer–one’s learning opportunity that comes through adversity. We must respect our family members’ individual freedom, even if from our point of view, we are letting them have the freedom of being stuck, unchanged and maintaining bad decisions. We must not overstep our boundaries. Not only are we trying to influence them where it is inappropriate, but we are putting ourselves higher up on the totem pole as well. By doling out advice to siblings or parents, we are placing ourselves above them. Parentification, the act of the child becoming the parent, takes place. Most of the time, we take on this role as a very young child. Due to loyalty towards our parents for giving us life, we quickly jump to the aid of our parents and sacrifice our own happiness in order to save theirs. It is not uncommon for children in this role to practice bed wetting and other behaviors to divert attention from family discord. As adults, we often catch ourselves continuing to intervene in our parents’ lives in order to make them happy, only now, we may do it in other ways (some healthier than others), ranging from addiction and illness, to that of constantly trying to offer guidance or the newest health cure, so that we may help our parents. I catch myself doing it all the time…trying to interject my “new-age knowledge” on my mom. “Mom, you really ought to try _________________ (fill-in-the-blank: juicing, yoga, emotional freedom technique, Reiki, etc.). Basically, it all amounts to: “You really should try something you are not doing. You simply aren’t doing enough. By the way, I know more than you do about your health, mind, body and soul. Now pass the beans please.” This is hard for most of us, and especially difficult for therapists and healers like me. I have seen so many people get better, so I feel passionate about sharing my knowledge…but I have to remember, that they (my clients) used their free-will to come and see me. They sought me out. My family didn’t. Even though I am approaching it from a space of love and concern, it is still parentification, and, quite frankly, ass-backward.

Family constellation places a high emphasis on birth order. We must recognize, acknowledge and honor that we exist because of our parents. We came from them and therefore, must receive from them. Likewise, our babies (in the form of children, projects, pets, careers, etc.) will receive from us. We have been given the gift of life because of those before us, and therefore, we must accept a lower role on the totem pole…regardless of how “wise” we may think we are. This is indeterminate of “good” or “bad” parents and/or ancestry, they still came before us, and for that, they are honored if for nothing more than giving us life. Energy, in family constellations, is meant to travel downstream. If you are constantly parenting your parents, energy cannot travel appropriately and becomes entangled. When this happens, you are operating with a kinked hose and everyone receives a fraction of the potential sweetness. There is a story of a man who watches over someone who is ill all night, and in the morning, the ill person is better, whilst the “Nervous Nelly” dies. When we don’t MOOB (mind our own business), we drain ourselves of the energy necessary to adequately take care of ourselves. When I see this in a family constellation, regardless of how adamant the son or daughter may be at first, ease and resolution is almost always granted when the correct roles are assumed and parents become parents and children become children. The parents need to be sure they are adhering to this role as well. Often times, if parents didn’t get what they needed from their parents or spouse, they often turn to the child and take. The child, out of extreme loyalty for life, gives. He/she knows no other way, and therefore the parent is responsible for allowing the child to switch to the higher role that the child is not equipped to handle. I will discuss this function and its implications in the next article.

In the meantime, give the gift that keeps on giving…for everyone. MYOB. Honor the birth order. Give up repeated attempts to influence your family. Stay present in your relationships without intentions and goals of saving/curing/bettering them. By staying in that space of acceptance and presence, the healing can truly find room to breathe and take place. And for God’s sake, enjoy a little eggnog and have fun. The family that plays together, stays together. Wishing all of you a joyful, safe, and non-intrusive holiday season! Much love and light!

Ahhh, fall…it’s so bitter sweet…On one hand, you get to indulge in jeans, fluffy sweaters, hot-to-trot-boots, and warm tea, but on the other hand, you have to give up your flip flops, sundresses, and ice-coffees. As my favorite blunt “teacher” Carolyn Myss would say, “get over it. It’s in the past”. While it is not always that easy, fall does make it a little less difficult because it is the season of letting go. It is a commencement; a closing of some doors and an opening of others. Just as the leaves from trees naturally fall off, underneath the surface, the plant is preparing to receive new energy in the spring. So as we ease in to December and soak up the last bits of semi-warm fall weather, let’s learn to Fall Gracefully.

It is important that we use the momentum of nature and let go right along with her. Resisting this dying out of life, leads to dis-ease within our bodies. Ideas, food, people, emotions, information, stimuli…everything we encounter in life needs to be assimilated and then, after a process of taking what you need, it then becomes digested, and, eventually, eliminated. This leaves our body as waste, and includes that which is no longer needed.

Our minds, bodies, and souls typically do this naturally on a daily basis. Our minds let go of skills and facts that have little or no meaning to our lives. Since I am a part-time teacher, I know the quadratic formula. It has meaning to my life at this time because I can educate with this piece of material. I do not, however, remember how to build a website using html, because it is not useful for me (although, if you saw my silly website, it could be argued that I NEED it, therefore having meaning). Every conversation we have, every book you read, every workshop you attend, every class you ever take, every experience we encounter, gets stored or spit out. You remember bits and pieces, and the rest, well, it gets filed away or recycled, but not may not be put in the forefront of your knowledge base. We receive stimuli every millisecond, so it is imperative that we let go of some and make room for others or else, we would explode. Just like we go doo-doo everyday, our mind and soul pinches some out as well.

At times, our bodies and souls find meaning in things that our mind may not, and has stored them elsewhere in our body’s cells. It is not uncommon for me to be doing Reiki on someone’s head, and their knee starts spasming or vice versa. The brain is certainly not the only place where info gets stored…we have many issues in our tissues. For the most part, our body, mind and souls are efficient and adept at taking what it needs and eliminating the rest. Sometimes, however, that memory gets a little too comfy and overstays his welcome…kind of like that “friend” who seems to have set up shop and couch-surfed so long, that his ass has left an imprint…memories too can leave painful, unnecessarily or blockage-causing imprints which can affect the other cells around it, contaminate them, and ultimately dictate more shit that gets attracted into your life. So sometimes, they too need the boot…an extra kick in the ass to get them up and out, like your leachy friend. The lungs and large intestines are particularly vulnerable during this season, due to being the ultimate regulators in assimilation and elimination in our bodies, so those organs and anything associated should receive extra special attention. I recommend an edema for the mind body and soul. Here are some tips that should get things moving in no time:

To Assimilate or Bring In and Process:
*Before you eat, say, “I ask that my body receive only that which is needed to nourish me, and to promptly and easily expel the rest”.
* Before you converse, read, watch, listen, etc, say, “I ask my mind and soul to organize and store that which has meaning to me and my life at this time (or sometime in the future) and to effortlessly release the rest to someone else who needs it”.
*Before you breathe (during meditation or exercise)- “my lungs take in fresh, clean oxygen and expel old, outdated carbon dioxide”.

Activities to Eliminate or Take Out:
* Colonic treatment to get out any stubborn poo which ultimately translates into poison if let to marinate in the body too long.
*Exercise or some sort of sweat session in the form of the following: yoga, running, biking, dancing, sex, sauna, steam room, hot shower, summer day in NYC, summer day in the subways, eating chili peppers, wasabi, or any other activity that induces sweat.
*Meditation- sit and be, or focus on the breath

Mantras to be Said During Processing (all of these are appropriate and advantageous to say while expelling during pooping, colonics, exercise/sweating, and meditating):
* I let go of past hurts and pains
*I let go of patterns that no longer serve me
*I let go of crap and shit
* I let go of fluff with no substance
*I let go of anything that blocks my cells from getting fresh oxygen and dividing at a beautiful rate
*I let go of past trauma that I’ve already learned from
*I let go of what is no longer needed
*I let go of what no longer needs or wants me
*I let go of that which is not nourishing me

Alright peeps, I expect your pipes, wind and colon, to be squeaky clean. Flush out the crappy and make room for the happy! You can do it, just let go and let this season help you fall gracefully.

Editors Note: As the years pass I find it very interesting how much more guarded I am with every incident in my life. I really try not to be, but somehow this “mask” has been created and placed over me without even wanting that to happen. This article is a beautiful reminder to let go of the masks, guards, and ways of hiding out true selves and step in to our greatness. See how you have been masking who you are and after Halloween allow yourself to take the mask off! ~Nitika~

At the end of this week, the playful Halloween is upon us. This day is loved by many, as the allure of this autumn holiday is the ability and, more importantly, the expectancy, that one is able to change their identity…even if just for a night. After all, it’s fun to change it up a little, playing through your fantasies of being a super hero or a celebrity. On this day, we dress up as things we would never (at least most of us) want to be in real life, such as monsters, aliens, maids, and clowns. Though the occasional mask and costume is fun and acceptable, but what about those of us who are wearing a mask year-round, or always desiring to be someone else? What if we are always disguising the truth? This rejection of the self can lead to long-term chronic illness such as fibromyalgia, fibroid tumors, or other disease such as cancer. There is nothing worse than self-rejection and the masking of the truth, for your body and soul’s health so read carefully and see how you can lift the mask in your life.

Lately, I have been noticing an increasing number of women who have been coming to me with second chakra issues such as fibroids and tumors or endometriosis. Most female issues, including period cramps and PMS, come from some sort of rejection of the female self–body, sexuality, creativity, curves, being treated as a gender “second best”, situations of rape or other sexual violation or control. Often times, even though those thoughts are detrimental to the women’s worth and self-esteem, it is not entirely the self-rejection that does her in, it is the veneer as well. All of my clients with this disorder come from a family that wears masks. In wearing a “mask”, I am talking about families who regularly say things like, “What will the neighbors think?” and who also seem to rationalize, if I can’t see it/him/the situation, it doesn’t exist. This type of behavior, denial, concealment, cover-up, and disguisement is very harmful for the self, and family systems alike and can lead to serious conditions. Lack of self-acceptance, mixed with having nobody to talk through those (and other) feelings can cause fibroids and tumors in the uterus, along with other dis-ease.

In an ideal world, we are free of negative and egoic thought but, we are humans and in order to learn, sometimes we face adversity. Often, we infiltrate our precious brains with filthy and untrue thoughts about ourselves that would lead to a mouth washing with soap if anyone else could get in on our secret self-inflicted insults. As if that isn’t bad enough, we must have a release. After thinking those groundless thoughts, it would be optimal if someone very gentle and warm and squishy (think the British Nanny on that TV program Super Nanny) rushes to our side at every infraction and talks us through it. “Hello Darling, what nonsense have you told yourself. Princess, wherever did you get such an idea? Talk to me, precious one. You are the most beautiful girl in the world, but what can I do to help you see it as well and work through these false illusions all around you?”

Since real-life rarely plays out as such a lovely scenario, we are often left to our own devices, which is often a wounded perception and a lack of self-love. The feelings, the sadness, the pain, the heartache all forms a big ball of coagulated energy, and plops itself in the uterus (or other places) because it feels as if it has no other place to go and be released. One client experienced puberty very early on, having developed breasts and starting her period before the other girls and felt ashamed and confused. That topic, and most others, was “hush hush” growing up in a Baptist family heavily involved in the church. She now has been suffering from fibroids for the past 10 years. Another women also grew up in a highly religious family where, despite family sadness and trauma, (attempted and successful suicide attempts from family members) was instructed to make up stories so that the neighbors would not look poorly on them. After absorbing so much pain, mixed with her own lack of self-love and acceptance as a beautiful young lady, this girl went on to become a woman with terrible endometriosis and fibroid pain. Another female client, who also grew up being taught that sexuality is bad, but not being able to refute or challenge that belief, developed tumors in her fibroid, which sadly, resulted in a full-blown hysterectomy.

Note that I am not specifically saying that this is causation, it is simply correlation, an observation, and a pattern that I believe has strong merit not only for women’s issues, but a plethora of other dis-eases. Basically, self-rejection and denial is poison to the body. Additionally, not having an outlet for that poison (via talking, and additionally, exercise, yoga, raw foods, dancing, music), continues to toxify the body to the point of no return. The level of the poison becomes so high, that it has no other choice but to either form into balls (tumors, cancer, etc) or attack the muscles and joints causing pain, arthritis, and other dis-eases.

This Halloween, go out, have fun and wear that mask. But, on all the other 364 days of the year, do yourself and your family a favor and take that mask off, both to expose who you really are and also to see clearly what is going on around you. You have chosen this identity and physicality in this lifetime. Your whole life is a Halloween, and the next life, if you choose, pick some other identity. But, until then, stop rejecting yourself. Furthermore, stop masking your feelings, and who you really are. Additionally, don’t put a sleeping mask on, or a deer head on and pretend that what really is, isn’t. This only leads to heartache and pain for yourself and those around you and can turn into a learned behavior for your children, siblings, lovers and friends. The name of the game is not blame, it is recognition. In just recognizing this pattern, you can release it and, in time, release the stored-up, coagulated energy ball/s inside of you. Tell yourself, the truth will set me free. I choose to see the truth. I fully accept and love myself. My perma-costume is a sexy-ass costume. Now, pick up that bag, go trick or treating, and experience the sweetness that life has to offer.

According to Feng Shui, there are a million things that are suggested, in order to keep your space optimally energized, taking into consideration the elements, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. This can be overwhelming, so I have designed a plan for you that is do-able and maintainable, which contain the tactics that I believe are the most advantageous. Below, I have included the nine baquas (quadrants of your space which each signify different ares of your life) in more detail. If you are feeling courageous and up to it, go to town! However, life is about balance, and although summer has come to an end there is still an opportunity to play. The sun, I believe, is one of the biggest and most effective healing tools out there…and its free and abundantly available in the summer. Have fun in the sun, and perhaps dedicate one hour each week this month to re-organize, and therefore galvanize and re-energize…word!

Here is my basic, fool-proof plan: There is a direct correlation between surrounding yourself in energy that is alive and feeling more alive and renewed. Just as eating veggies is a great way to boost your life-force energy, so is having plants around. Bring as much live and vibrant energy into the home in the form of plants and flowers…and cute puppies and babies if that is appropriate for your life plan at the time (be sure to run this by first with roommies or significant others first, or no amount of feng shui could restore the household harmony). Also, be sure to cut dried leaves from your plants. Studies show that dead leaves can bring down the vibration of the rest of the plant, and therefore, your life. I recently went into a friend’s apartment who was bitching about a lack of money…I peered over at her “money” baqua, and a plant, as dead as a doornail, sat squarely in the center. “Dude, your money is dried up because your plant is”, I exclaimed. Swapping that one for a robust one got her money flowing in no time. Keep the green alive by keeping the green alive!

Week two- get rid of the baggage…literally!                                                                                            So, now that you’ve de-cluttered, make sure your remaining precious possessions are stored nicely and neatly and that, if possible, you don’t have a big garbage bag in your room. Keep trash to a minimum and in the kitchen, if possible. A friend of mine was recently complaining that all of her relationships carried so much emotional baggage. Upon entering her bedroom, her “love and relationship bagua” (far right corner) had a trashcan, some filled suitcases and duffel bags and a pile of shopping bags! As soon as she removed the physical baggage, the emotional baggage lessened. While you are at it, remove baggage from under your bed. I went through a period where I was feeling heavy emotional and physically, and just not my healthy self. I thought I was being savvy and making the most of my small space by storing bags filled with crap underneath my bed. My bed was in the middle of room ( the health bagua). As soon as I removed the excess baggage, my physical and emotional weight began to decrease, and my health become optimal once again.

Week 3- Get Rid of Counter-Intuitive Objects and Replace Them With Sensible Ones
You can chose to study about the baguas, or just use some common sense for this one. A gay friend of mine was complaining about how he couldn’t meet any good men in the city and how they all left him feeling “high and dry” and were teases (geeze, it seems men of all types share this propensity). I peered in his love and relationship corner (top right) and I shit you not, there was a pair of blue balls resting there (apparently some sort of exercise apparatus)! “No wonder you are so sexually frustrated, I exclaimed, “You have blue balls in your space, and therefore in your body”. I promptly removed them from that corner and replaced them with a nice red thong (appropriate for all sexualities) and a picture of some roses. He went out that night and reported back to me “very satisfied”. Another woman was trying to get pregnant, and in her children bagua ( middle right ), her husband stored his gun and knife collection. Nuff said. She replaced it with a whimsical picture of two children dancing and became pregnant within six months. Anything soft and or playful (even a musical instrument) would be appropriate in that corner.

Week 4- Clear and Protect Your Space
Now that you’ve de-cluttered and cleared on a physical level, it would be wise to clear out any residual ,non-tangible energy that might be lingering and to also protect your new and improved space. Space clearings can be as easy or as complicated as you like, but remember, it is all about intention. I recommend the following quick and easy way to clear your space…and it is super fun and it gives you an excuse to act like a lunatic child again. Grab some pots and pans and some wooden spoons and march around your house having a tantrum. Yell like a kid, “this is my space! Mine! Not yours, mine! Unless you are from love and light, you are NOT welcome, and I respectfully demand that you either leave, or transmute yourself into positive energy.” Then, light some sage or incense and carry it around your home, paying special attention to the corners, windows, etc. and asking the smoke to clear any negative energy. Marinate for a while in places where there might have been a heated argument or tragic phone call, etc. Lastly, picture your space surrounded by a ball of light, or shield that is only permeable to love and light and nothing else. Ask your angels to perch themselves in the corners to offer further loving protection.

OK soldiers, hop to it….happy healing!

Editors Note: It seems like everyone I have been speaking with lately is going through a major transition in their life. Most of those people are not going through something exciting and beautiful, but situations that are dramatic and challenging. This article allows us to see that we are in a state of transition on the planet right now, so hang tight everyone! After reading this, see what area of your life could use a little more patience and meditate on bringing that feeling to the situation for the next week. ~Nitika~

According to an ancient Sufi story, written in Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, there lived a despondent king in an ancient Middle Eastern land and time. The King was distraught by his constant ebb and flow from happiness to being miserable. The king, sick of this way of living, sought out an “enlightened one”. He made the arduous journey to the mountains and eagerly asked the “enlightened one” for counsel, “I want to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity and wisdom into my life? I will pay any price you ask.”

In return, the “enlightened one” promised the king something priceless. He offered him a jade box with a ring inside. The ring was inscribed, this, too, shall pass.

The king was furious and felt duped. The “enlightened one” reassured him that whenever he was encountering anything, “good” or “bad”, the ring’s inscription would bring him peace.

The time upon us, Indian summer, embodies a rhythm of transition. Life during this time is very much the same….a time of flux. Couple this with all of the planetary and energetic changes occurring in this universe at present, it can be daunting and leave you feeling you off kilter. We are literally shifting from two seasons, the summer and fall. This means a changeover from hot weather to cooler weather, different organs becoming vulnerable, and the transitioning out of summer clothes to fall clothes. Often times, we feel uneasy about this…am I ready to give up my strappy flowy sundresses, or am I overzealous in putting on my knee-high brown leather boots? Am I excited to see the leaves change, or burdened by the raking and burning of them? Am I ready for fires in the fireplace, or am I bummed at the waning of the natural fiery sun.

Being a teacher for 6 years full time prior to this work, September was a mix of emotions. I couldn’t wait to see my little critter students and to be productive and to make a difference. At the same time, my lazy summer days of sleeping in, doing yoga, and sitting by the Hudson were over. However, transition and change are inevitable. It is a guarantee in this life. The planets are in constant movement, energy levels fluctuate, people come and go (especially in NYC), and seasons change. Where “dis-ease” comes in, is when we resist these changes, and try to hold on too tightly. Nature is always experiencing abundance and creativity because it does not resist these changes. Whenever I start to feel anxiety coming forth of impending cold weather, and the impending doom, I turn to nature as my teacher. I notice that the plants, animals, rocks and even most babies (suggesting this resistance is a learned behavior!) offer no complaint to the seasonal changes, and as a result, they flourish year after year. They simply “go with the flow” through life’s seasons, and fully embrace the present moment.

I challenge you to do the same this Indian summer. Bring your awareness to something you may be resisting at this time.

Personal example: I am a girl who loves to bask in the sun and ride my bike everywhere. Even the thought of buying an unlimited Metro Card and putting my bike to rest, makes me uneasy.

Tell yourself: It is a time of surrender. I feel safe, secure and supported. This is not permanent.

Take on the “enlightened one’s” frame of mind of this, too, shall pass. I heart NYC transit! (A little “fake it til you make it” can’t hurt either!)

Here is some additional support that I am sure the Sufis wont object to so that we can feel anchored during this season, or during any times of flux.

1) Meditate and see yourself as a beautiful majestic tree of your choice, whose roots (feet and/or tailbone) are deep into mother earth’s core. Feel wind come up against you, but that it (trouble in life) is no match for you. Chant the mantra: I am deeply supported by mother earth and the universe

2) You are what you eat…so, what is healthy and deeply rooted? Root vegetables! Those Red and orange in color will help you to feel even more grounded: i.e. potatoes, yams, carrots, dark onions, etc. Repeat the Mantra from above

3) Hold a crystal in your hand as you meditate. Ask the crystal to help guide you in these moments of metamorphosis. Some good ones for this are Wulfenite (think of “wolf-at-nite” transitioning through his stages relative to the moon) and Lepidolite, named the “stone of transition” due to its healing properties for those going through life changes. Or you can check out Uncovering the Colorful Meaning of Gemstones for additional ideas.

4) Use Flower Remedies. Walnut flower essence is perfect for helping you in periods of time of uncertainty and evolution. Simply take a couple drops under your tongue a few times a day, or place them on pulse points, acupuncture points, or chakras (root in this case). Repeat Mantra from above

5) Come receive some beautiful energy healing to ground, renew, and offer new direction. Refer to my blog regularly for group and individual healing, and check out my Indian Summer energy series (http://blog.sproutinglove.com/)

Now, start these tips today, because next week, a new article will boot mine out, as this, too, shall pass.