Purple is the new black, 40 is the new 30, and Mr. Clean is the new Justin Timberlake! Huh? Yup, you read that right! Clearing out clutter in your home can actually amp up your sex life and sexilicious sex factor. In this edition, we will be specifically focusing on your undergarments. Remember, everything is energy! Thoughts, things, and even intimate wear send out magical doododoots (my sound for energy waves being emitted) attracting comparable things.

Do you see where this is going? If you wear skeevy skivvies, you may attract a skeevy skuzball!! You wear icky bras, you feel icky about yourself. This is why so many gym clothes are sexy. Studies have shown that the hotter you look in your gym clothes, the better you feel, and the more motivated you are to maintain that sensation (and figure). Check out the latest article Adding Color To Your Workout for some great examples on sexy gym gear!.

The same is true for our undergarments. The sexier the items, the sexier we feel (for ourselves and our partner), the sexier we act, and the people we attract will be sexier (think Brad Pitt). Join us today to put you back on the sexy radar. Bringing Sexy Back is as easy as 1-2-3.

1) Challenge: Toss out at least 5 pairs of pathetic panties
Mantra (while discarding): I am cleansed and purified. I am one sexy bitch. I deserve the best in life.

Take a good look in your undergarment drawer. Is it hot or not?
Now, as a woman, I have a separate area in my undies drawer called “period underwear”. This is were I keep undies who are stained for “that time of the month”, but other than that, there should be no circumstance in which you wear them. Also, because we are only on our period a quarter of the month, at least three-fourths of our undies should be delectable. The majority of your intimates should be intimatable, not abominable. Check your undies and make sure you have at least a 3/4 to 1/4 hot to not ratio (ie: 30 scantilizing pairs to every 10 scuzzy pairs). I would even put the period undies in an entirely different section from your hot pants! Additionally, throw out those panties that are over-stretched, have elastic coming out, have rips, tears, holes, unflattering (squeeze you in all the WRONG places), and too child-like. A man might be uncomfortable getting busy with someone who wears hello kitty on her private parts, but you are a hot-ass woman with a hot ass. Start dressing like one.

Now for the boys, tighty whities are never considered sexy, nor undies that have skid marks and poop stains! Throw them out. You should by some boxers and some hot boxer briefs.

By doing this, you are feeling sexier throughout the day, and sending “dootadoots” that say you are ready to get your groove on, even if you are both the giver and receiver of this groove-on!

2) Challenge: Throw out 2 broke-ass bras, and donate 3 gently used ones
Mantra: I am fully supported. I am one sexy bitch. I deserve the best in life.
Throw out bras that don’t fit (either too big or small), are seedy, have under-wire that sticks out and stabs you, bras that are deformed (ones that make you look like you have torpedo boobies, Madonna cones, or otherwise), and bras that are floppy (no support).
For the bras, this is a double whammy. Not dressing up our boobies (our ultimate in feminine bits) will hinder us from feeling as pretty and sexy (inside and out) and will tell us that we don’t deserve to to be supported as well. Those bras are so lucky to be touching and holding up your bodacious boobies. Treat them like royalty and get those hooters some hot holsters!

We take it for granted that we have bras to wear everyday, when in reality, a lot of other countries view it as a luxury. In some parts of Africa and Haiti, 99% of women wish they could wear a bra, but can’t afford them. For the bras that are nice, but you never wear them, the following are great places to donate:

http://www.upliftbras.org/

http://www.breasttalk.co.uk/bra-appeal/

http://www.brarecycling.org/about_us.html

Nothing is sexier than being helpful and generous so don’t hesitate to send some new bras too.

While you are at it, show your breasts that you care for their health and well-being by massaging them (or let your partner do it) and check for any unusual lumps. Instructions here:

http://www.prevenia.com/English/breast_self_exam.htm

3) Challenge: Discard at least 5 pairs of sad socks

Mantra: I move forward with confidence and ease. I put my best foot forward. I am one sexy bitch. I deserve the best in life.

Now, the Dalai Lama, Jesus, swiss cheese and wiffle balls are holy. Socks should not be holy. We need to get rid of our holy socks and mismatched misfits. The feet are very representative of moving forward in life. Put your best foot forward. Not one that has gaps, tears, and voids. Your feet help you feel grounded, supported and carry you all over the place. Give your feet some TLC. Buy those socks with Shea butter inside, get a foot massage, and throw away those socks that look like they had a run in with some wild beasts. Your feet and your life will thank you!

OK, my sexy de-clutterers, get cracking. The slightest willingness moves mountains. I can already see you getting hotter. Damn Gina! You go! Toss-and-reapet!

We hold on to our clothes for a myriad of reasons. For many, they are our security blanket or an expression of who they are and what they’ve been through. For others, especially in New York City, they serve as confirmation that we actually own something. Now, I am the guiltiest culprit of the following, but rest assured, I am doing this challenge with all of you! I, Natalie Berthold, am a clothes hoarder, but I know I am not the only one. Whenever my family makes fun of me for having so many clothes, I remind them that I have been nomadic and am a healing artist living in New York City. I don’t own squat, like my counterpart peers who I grew up with in Indiana. They own houses, cars, babies, beds, pans, husbands, vacuums and other commodities. Even the furniture I own, I dragged in from the streets of Manhattan! I don’t possess anything except for clothes. However, having so many clothes may actually keep us from bringing in more abundance. It clogs your pipes, both energetically, and otherwise (even in the intestines, causing constipation). I challenge you again, to clean out the crappy and make room for the happy this month!

Challenge 1: Get rid of one trash bag of clothes that don’t fit you RIGHT NOW
I have clothes that span ten sizes. This is dangerous because you are manifesting yo-yo weight that fluctuates and goes up and down. The truth is, I really wouldn’t be happy in the tiny sizes. I couldn’t enjoy any goodies and would make a pain-in-the-ass dinner date, and a lousy slumber party accompanist. “I’ll pass on the pasta and scrumptious cupcakes. Do you have lettuce instead?”. No thanks!

And, with the larger sizes, am I really anticipating being bigger again? Just being prepared for the “what if” I become a fat-ass again? Hell no, out you go! Did you hear that universe? Take my big clothes and shove them up Uranus!

There are tons of donation centers where you can drop off your clothing, shoes, and accessories (be sure to pick up a tax write-off sheet). Additionally, if you have lots of time and patience, you could post the cool stuff on eBay and monopolize on what the Internet does to make people operate with quick, irrational, and spontaneous decision making.
Those garments served a time and purpose, but that time and purpose is over. You no longer need to coddle your overly skinny or chubby days and nurture them by providing a home for them.

Accompanying Mantra (as you rid them): I am perfect exactly as I am. I only make room for that which fits beautifully into my life.

Challenge 2: Get rid of one trash bag of the “what-if-wastoids”

We also tend to hold onto clothes for “what-if” moments. “What if I need these disgusting pants to paint a fence someday?” “What if this holey shirt (with holes, not blessed by Jesus) will come in handy if I want to dress like Swiss cheese? “What if this bubble-gum-waste-of-space-prom dress is useful if somebody invites me to one of those cool 80′s theme parties?” People, it is good to be prepared but this is ridiculous! It is time to get rid of the clothes we save for bizarre hypothetical situations.

Accompanying Mantra: I am prepared for what life brings me. I live in faith, and nothing is insurmountable.

Challenge 3: Get rid of one trash bag of “nostalgic no-no’s”

Another common practice is being sentimentally attached to our clothing. I held on to a nasty-ass, full-denim J-lo esque body suite for years, just because I bought it in Spain and it reminded me of the good old “ump ump ump” highlighter clubbing days. It’s best to let the memories live in your head, not your closet. Holding on to too much of the “glory days” keeps you stuck in the past, unaware and ungrateful of the present. This is therefore creating a future where you will NEVER be (fill in the blank) enough (thin, young, smart, beautiful, rich, or maybe witty) and will always be viewing your “hay-days: and “peak” as over. What a grim way to view life!

Mantra: I live in the NOW. Beautiful memories are alive and well, and more wonderful occurrences continue to happen every day.

Alright team, you might be overwhelmed. But, trust me. The benefits will be worth it! We are practicing non-attachment, and we are doing this together. To aid in the transition, might I suggest meditating with a Sphere Shaped Crystal, which is representative of the Universe and everything contained in it. Spheres symbolize the “whole” person, which includes consciousness, mobility, non attachment and a powerful mind. Additionally, Holy Basil is an excellent oil to inhale, or rub on your heart or feet for help with non-attachment. Remember, your clothes are like one of those couch surfers just taking up precious space for free so kick ‘em out! This potential energy is free-loading off of you! Enough is enough!
We are rooting for you! Heal, baby Heal!

‘Tis the season for spring cleaning! As you rustle through your attics or storage units, and cramped apartments, we are making more room energetically for the good stuff. Everything is energy and it’s positioning and perspective affect everything else. It is impossible to move a lamp, and not alter the spacial relationships, and therefore, energy in our lives. Every time we move anything, there is a shift and interplay of both the kinetic (moving energy) and potential (stored energy) energies.

Feng Shui is the science of these energies which I will go into in further detail in next months article. The greatest service you can do is de-clutter your physical space, which will help de-clutter your mental and emotional space. As the saying goes, “As above, so below. As within, so without”. This means that your environment is a reflection of what’s going on inside, and visa-versa. It is very important that you aren’t holding on to outdated, old, useless, harmful junk, which manifests into the same type of physical and emotional junk. Before you start rearranging your space, or your mind, you must clean up shop! Clear out all of the cobwebs and outfitted crap in your head and your home. There is so much stimuli preventing your home from being as simple and peaceful as possible. Living in a cluttered environment can create mental disarray, confusion, being “fleity”, constipation, lack of concentration, inhibit your thinking and creativity, and block the energy flow of your life! It is time to roll up our sleeves and get ruthless. I challenge you to a home, and therefore life, enema.

Are you ready to get the energy flowing again? Undo this dam that’s blocking you from your best potential! I summon you to the following, easy to do exercises which are guaranteed to free the chi (pronounced chee)!

(Don’t forget to complete and post about your challenge):

1) Throw away old paperwork! Are you really ever going to go back and reread any of that crap? There is so many other new and exciting things to read everyday! Keep financial records for 5 years. Other than that, recycle those papers! They are taking up valuable space in your home, and in your head!

Challenge: Recycle one whole paper grocery bag of papers. Repeat this Mantra as you get rid of them: “I rid myself of mental clutter. My mind is calm and at peace“.

2) Also, the same is true for books. We rarely read them again, as there are so many more awesome books out there to read. I dare you to choose one that affected you (preferably in a positive way) and give it to someone whom you intuitively feel would benefit from it. Tell them to pass it on to someone else after they’ve finished reading it. It is the gift that keeps on giving and you’ve just created a love chain! Congratulations! You will undoubtedly receive the love back exponentially.

Challenge: Share a book or DVD with someone without expecting it back in return! Repeat this mantra as you hand off your book or DVD:”I share the wealth willingly and happily. The more I give, the more I receive.”

3) Snail Mail and paperwork are not the only things bogging you down. Your email inbox can clog you up as well. Having too many emails can clog your butt pipes, and keep bigger and better offers, deals, love letters, and opportunities from coming your way, not to mention taking up memory in your computer! Notice the junk emails you are receiving, like 8-minute dating (from the time you tried it once 8 years ago out of curiosity), updates from the gym you quit a long time ago, attempts to get you to spend $3.95 per minute on the phone with a fake astrologer, or that kid who keeps trying to sell Cutco knives. Send them a friendly “unsubscribe” email. Erase emails from exes. Do you really want them taking up space in your inbox and your life? Why not make room for Romeo or Juliet? You and your ex broke up for a reason. Let them go, and allow a yummier person to come in.

Challenge: Email at least 3 “unsubscribes”. Erase at least 10 emails from the ex(es). Mantra: I make room for the delicious to come in. I live in the present.

OK, get cracking. This month will be tough, but you will reap the benefits! This is just a precursor to next months, which will be quite a feat. Getting rid of the clothes that no longer serve us! Stay tuned and clutter-free! Heal, baby. Heal!

Editor’s Note: It is when times are tough that we often feel we cannot move forward. Take even one of these “Blooming” tips and let go. You don’t have to have everything figured out you just have to be willing to take action no matter how big or small. ~Nitika~

We live in a world where we want to have our cake and eat it too.We want to experience the beauty and splendor of the blossoming flowers and greenery, yet, we moan and groan when it rains.Likewise, we want to live our best life, yet we aren’t too keen on experiencing the growing pains which lend themselves to lessons learned.For many, we desirethe best relationship, but we don’t want to work for it.We yearn to be skinny, yet, we aren’t willing to give up the junk food.We want to enjoy the diversity and livliness of NYC, but don’t want to deal with the prices and over-crowdedness.Living in an adversary world, creates much turmoil in our souls.We have two options: Accept something wholly, or change it. We cannot have the fat-free muffin with all of the taste, and we cannot have the blossoms without the rain.

As we crave the temperate weather, blue skies, and beautiful budding flowers, we must accept everything that comes with spring.Everything has a yin and yang.We must welcome the “dark side” to see the light.Non-acceptance is one of the most harmful and debilitating things we can do. Acceptance, therefore the opposite of rejection, refusal (to believe) and denial can set you free.Acceptance keeps everything in balance.

We would not have these gorgeous tulips, magnolias and cherry blossoms that adorn our city right now without the rain showers.Nature heals us through letting us marvel, with all of our senses, at the color these beings (all living things have a spirit) bring into our lives.The rain is an essential ingredient to the growth of these plants. Without it, we cannot appreciate the allure and equisitness of spring, if we didn’t have the drab barron winter to compare. We often seperate ourselves from nature, but we are all one in the same.We are also nature and possess a unique beauty and misson.Our purpose in incarnating is also to bring smiles to people’s faces and to learn from adversity.

In our lives, we also have rainy days which are crucial for our growth and development.The significant other who broke our heart, the child who tests our patience daily, the loss of a job or a large sum of money, and even the death of a loved one, all serve as brilliant rainy days to help us grow.All of these rainy days provide us the opportunity to germinate, develop and flourish in a very deep way.In truly accepting and learning from these lessons, we can continue to evolve as a more seasoned and mastered soul.

Embrace the rain as nature does.Look at those painful situations, those ”rainy” day moments in your life, and truly offer them thanks.Appreciate these opportunities to flower and bloom as a human, and therefore, on a soulful level.Allow these April showers to bring about your May (and beyond) flowers.

Tips To Get You Blooming Today:

1) Bring out your inner, innocent, oblivious and wide-eyed child. Embrace, the rainy day by jumping and splashing in puddles.

2) Take a rainbow shower! On a hot day, nothing is better than riding your bike along the Hudson while it is pouring rain.Ask the water to cleanse and purify you, while minding your safety of course.

3) Meditate in the park while it is raining, and ask the rain to rinse anything that no longer serves you and “see” and feel it being washed away to be drained and transmuted into mother earth for a higher purpose.

4) Water is the element of the 2nd chakra (Sacral Chakra) which governs emotions, sensuality, sexuality and creativity.Allow the rain to hit your lower abdomen and ask that it heal any imbalances in this area.

5) Meditate daily in nature and ask the flowers, plants, and trees to assist you.Ask for guidance on a “rainy day” moment or event in your life that you need to work through, become aware of, and release.

6) Cleanse your neurolymphatic points and meridians by receiving some delicious hands on healing.

7) Shout, “God Bless my rainy-ass days” and see if any New Yorkers even flinch and then skip along merrily!

Each season presents a rhythm or a beat which coordinates with our natural life’s cycle. This rhythm gets expressed every calendar year, and through various times in our lives. March 20th marks the spring equinox, where we benefit from the very auspicious event of the sun passing over the earth’s equator. Likewise, this period will also be a time of letting the sun shine on the glorious edifices which you have built for yourself. Let’s get this party started!

Spring represents a period of new growth in our lives. This is where you literally reap the benefits of the last two seasons. In the fall, you had the wisdom to let go of what no longer served you. You let those leaves drop effortlessly and with grace, choosing what you did not wish to hibernate with in the long, cold winter months.

From the viewpoint of Chinese medicine, the element that governs springtime is wood. When you think of the attributes of wood, you think of strength, foundation, solidity, stability and foundation. Wood comes from trees which are grounded, and living, and have the innate intelligence to gravitate towards the light. This is you, stretching towards the love and the light, embracing that which feeds and nourishes you, and shying away from that which wilts you (namely situations and people which impart fear-based thinking). There is no coincidence that most lovers unite (or reunite) in the spring. We notice that people literally start coming out of the “woodworks” so to speak, ready to embrace the world again with new life and vigor. You have the right to claim and stand solid in your space in this world. You have the right, and support, to exercise your truth. Voice it, share it, show it, SHOUT IT!

The Tools To Claiming Your True Self This Spring:

In order to really take advantage of Spring’s kick in the butt towards new growth, there are a couple of all-natural tools that can help you. Your liver and gall bladder are particularly vulnerable during the spring months. You can reinforce these organs by tracing those meridian lines, and flushing the associated neurolymphatic points

In addition, taking Milk Thistle as an herbal supplement can greatly strengthen and detox a weakened liver*. Another herb which is known for it’s renewal properties is lemongrass. Soaking in a tub of lemongrass, or just inhaling or rubbing lemongrass on the temples or soles of the feet will invigorate the soul’s passion and purpose.

You are what you eat, so with memories of winter fading, tender shoots, young sprouts and fresh greens begin pushing their way through the warming soil. Green peas and firm asparagus are at their peak. Plump red strawberries and fragrant pineapples sweeten market shelves. Eating what is in season will help you channel more life-force energy (chi) in the springtime.

Crystals are also a great implement in healing work, as they come from the earth’s surface and are significantly charged for various needs. Like their counterparts in the plant kingdom, the green crystals represent “growth” and “renewal”. Nature is fertile and nurturing and naturally gives in to these cycles of life. Hold onto any green crystal or tape it to your body (moss agate, emerald, aventurine, green calcite or tourmaline, malachite-chrysocolla to name just a few) to vibrate with Nature’s healing properties .

The most important tool that I live by is meditation. In a relaxed state (if possible, surrounded by mother nature and things that are growing) sit and focus on your third eye, and repeat one of the following mantras or a variation that resonates with you: “I move towards the light”, “I grow with my soul”, “I am a no-limit soldier”, “I let the world see the real me”, “I am thriving in my soul’s purpose”, “my path is that of love and light”, “I flourish as I live my truth”.

Keep an open mind this spring and get ready to discover the new vibrant you that has emerged from the cold of winter.

*These tools are suggestions and are not necessarily a substitute for medical attention.

I had always been a curious girl, dabbling in the esoteric world, meditating, talking to spirit guides, but I wanted to dive deeper.  I had been hearing about Reiki and assumed that it was only reserved for the monks that spend 40 days meditating in a cave, or for someone who wanted to dedicate their life to hands-on healing…I didn’t really fit those profiles…

Then, five years ago, I had had enough of the city life.  I moved to Argentina for a year, where I spent six months traversing through Patagonia, alone, on both the Chilean and Argentine sides.  I bought a tent from their equivalent of Walmart, and with a loaf of bread in one hand, and a jar of PB & J in another, I set out among the mountains.  So many lessons were gleaned being alone in nature, but one major awareness I had, in the stillness of the mountainside, and the pristine fresh air and water, is that we are surrounded by life-force energy.  It was so prevalent in Patagonia, that you could see the haze of energy permeating every tree, every bird and every turquoise body of water.  That was the healthiest I had ever been.  I didn’t wear a drop of makeup, yet my skin was glowing and all the dudes wanted me.  I was vibrant because I was breathing, living, surrounded by life-force energy.

When I came back to NYC, I found the energy to be very abrupt and harsh.  I started to wilt like a flower.  I was exhausted, my skin started to sag and be drab, and I was no longer my vibrant self.  I knew the vibrant woman was the real me.  Source energy, or God, had created the divine nature I had lived in, and he had created me, all in His/Her image.  God is radiant and so are His/Her children.  If only I could access life-force energy, even in the chaos of city life…

That is when I found out that anyone can learn Reiki, and it gives you a direct connection to life-force energy…the very energy the runs through all living things and gives them that extra pow!  I craved it so much after having had a taste of it for six full months.  This is why I decided to learn Reiki.  Soon, I was feeling better.  Reiki is one of the only healing modalities that you can do on yourself, so I started doing self-Reiki 5 minutes a day.  I noticed that my energy was coming back, and my hair and skin were reflecting a healthy woman, opposed to a worn out one.  I started experimenting and putting Reiki energy in my food, my water, my shower water, my skin care products (all of my lotions, perfumes, oils, etc). I infused Reiki in everything!  I could feel the tingle of life in me, through me and arround me.  My true self was coming back!  We are born light, and we feel best when we bask in the light!

Soon, I started giving friends and family Reiki energy.  Of course, they loved it and felt like a million bucks after having received it.  It is like setting the reset button and revitalizes you on a cellular level.  Not long after, I started seeing paid clients for Reiki.  Once I was comfortable with the Reiki energy, I expanded into other energy and healing modalities and found that Reiki combined well with everything else and was a great modality either alone, or as an adjunct to other techniques.  Even now, as I mainly do health coaching and Family Constellation Therapy, I incorporate Reiki into my healing sessions.

My pets, myself, and my loved ones benefit from Reiki energy on a daily basis.  I think of it as taking a mind, body, soul multi-vitamin everyday, as I infuse it into my food and water.

I feel really passionate and grateful for Reiki.  It has helped me personally and professionally in so many ways.  Because it is Life-force energy and not your own, I use it during every session so that I am not depleted.  I wanted everyone to have access to this energy, whether it is for their own health and well-being, that of others, or both. Regardless if you go on to become a healer, or just want to amp up your skin-care products, or infuse your baby’s food with life-force energy, everyone can benefit from Reiki.

If this interests you, I have created a digital Reiki program, so that you too can learn Reiki in a comfortable, efficient and affordable fashion. Within hours, you can have more access to the life-force energy that sustains life http://www.natalieberthold.com/reiki-certification-2/. Mention this blog and get 10% off a reiki certification package!

So many of us navigate life angry at our mothers, or rejecting her, or really pissed off at all the stuff she did or didn’t do.  The problem is, when we ‘live’ life this way, we really aren’t living at all… we are robbing ourselves of so much goodness in this world.  You see, our moms gave us life, and if we deny her, we deny life.  If we reject her, we reject ourselves (we are half her).  If we block her, we are blocking ourselves of life-force energy.

I get a lot of clients who struggle with their mothers.  In fact, this is the most common thing I see.  Within one individual or group session, we are able to broaden the lens and see where separation has occurred.  And, in all of the instances I’ve seen, underneath the anger, angst and frustration, really lies a longing.  This is a precious longing that only really exists between a mother and child.  We have needs that only a mother can fulfill and so the desirous feelings are underneath it all.  When we can straighten out the kinks, and let love flow again between the one who gave you life, and then kept you alive (even if you disagree with the methods used), we can go with the flow of life.

Without being in ‘right relationship’ with mom, we cannot fully turn to a man (or a woman) in a relationship, we can’t be as successful in business as we want to be, and we can’t be as vibrant, youthful and healthy as we have the capacity to be.  Lack of life force energy from mom = lack of luster in all areas of life.  Being in ‘right relationship’ with mom also means no being your mom’s mom, partner, gal pal, etc.  Just her daughter.  Once this is in line, the magic can begin to happen.

I have witnessed so many real-life examples of this happening with clients in my practice, but for you, let’s look at fairy tales.  Fairy tales are sort of life greek myths, in the sense that they are very archetypal and in them, exist many systemic and family dynamics.  If you think about most fairytales, they all have an element of magic + a damsel in distress that has one, or both, parents missing.  This is actually a very common dynamic here in the US, whether they are physically or emotionally ‘not there’.  The woman in the fairytale finds herself helpless, poor, and waiting for her prince to rescue her.  Finally, things begin to change…

What causes this shift, or the magic to happen, so to speak? Let’s take a look at our beloved Cinderella.  Poor Cinderella is raised by her rather homely looking and cruel step-mom and step-sisters.  She wears rags and is covered in ashes from cleaning out the fireplace.  Then her MOTHER comes into the picture (archetyped as her fairy godmother, but still, her mother).  Now, there is a glimmer of hope.  In a very short amount of time, she gets a coach, some hot duds, her heroic prince and most importantly, freedom from the step family!!

Are you still searching for your freedom? Your prince? Your money that could buy you those clothes or a car? Perhaps you really need your mommy. You see, mom gave you life, and without life force energy, how can we be successful in any arena of life? Often times, we need to be in ‘right’ relationship with mom, and often we aren’t, even if we think we are.  When we are aligned correctly with mom, then the magic can happen.  I know this from personal experience and from many other women that I have helped. I am offering an exclusive discount of 10% off my 1-1 coaching program designed to help you streamline your waist and your life through this work (must begin in May or June).

I hope this Mother’s Day, you can appreciate the gift of life from mom and start to let the magic happen! xo

The Surprising Truth about Jealousy in a Relationship

Oh, the green monster.  Inevitably, in your life, you may have had the pleasure, or the displeasure, of meeting this guy.  In small doses, and in moderation, this can actually be a very advantageous threesome in your relationship. It can show your partner that you care, and don’t want to lose him/her. However, when this little bugger spirals out of control into a green avelange, gaining speed by the minute, it becomes damaging and creates a whole new dynamic…

You see, every interaction in your relationship has the capacity to be damaging, or building and loving.  Often times, most things (sex, money, time, etc) have the ability to play both sides of the card–depending on if they are balanced, or cross that border, and jealousy is no exception.

When you think about jealousy, or read about it, everyone looks at it with the same, and I believe erroneous, angle.  By definition, jealousy means: a mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims (source: dictionary.com)  It appears that the person who is experiencing the erratic, irrational fears of jealousy, has a deep fear of losing the person in question.  Both partners will perceive that the person has trust issues and is terrified that the other person is going to leave them for someone younger, hotter, skinnier, etc.  This may be true, but what if there is another possibility?

Here’s the real truth about jealousy: It is something that damages a relationship.  It is not sustainable or viable for very long.  It drives people away.  Therefore, when you engage in extreme jealousy, you are actually creating an environment that makes it convenient for your self-fulfilled prophecy to come true.  Then you can confirm, “see, I was right.  So-and-so wasn’t able to commit”.  Some might call this ‘self-sabotage’.  I beg to differ.  I don’t believe in self-sabotage.  I just believe your soul wants something different (usually freedom), even if that different thing causes pain, or is rooted in a family entanglement.

If you are the one who is jealous, take a long-hard look at your feelings toward your partner.  Deep down, might you feel relieved if they just threw up their hands in despair and left you? Couldn’t you then remain the saint, and them the devil? Would that not take the pressure off of you to end things and put it all on them? Then they abandoned you, right?

This is something that requires deep consideration.  When you engage in extreme jealousy, you make it nearly impossible for someone to stay, so secretly, there is a deeper message here.  So be honest, look within and ask yourself “Do I really want them to stay”? “How might I find relief if they just leave me”? Again, you can’t go surface with this…you really have to dig.  Be completely transparent with yourself.  Knowledge is power.  Having this awareness can enable you to put down the sword, or end the relationship in a healthy way, once and for all, but you certainly can’t continue to end your relationship through the guise of jealousy.

While perhaps your suspicions are true, and maybe your man is cheating on you or something else inappropriate is happening, the jealousy doesn’t solve the problem…action does.

If you are the jealous one, the underlying desire is, when you look deep down, on a soul level, you actually want your partner to leave, not stay. Take action today and complete the necessary steps, one way or another.

*This is based on the principles of Family Constellation Therapy.  I’d love to hear what you think about this thery o n relate it to your past or current relationships.  If you are seeking relationship advice and healing, from a unique Family Constellation perspective, Natalie is available for coaching either by phone, or in person at www.natalieberthold.com

Where and When Does the Magic Happen?

I spent much of last week furthering my training and education in Family Constellation Therapy.  It is a continual process and I love knowing that not only am I investing in myself, I am investing in you guys as well!  This powerful work continues to heal me, and gives me more insight, experience and expertise that I can bring to the table when working with you guys!
One of the things we looked at was the systemic dynamics that exist in most fairy tales.  If you think about most fairytales, they all have an element of magic + a damsel in distress that has one, or both, parents missing.  This is actually a very common dynamic here in the US, whether they are physically or emotionally ‘not there’.  The woman in the fairytale finds herself helpless, poor, and waiting for her prince to rescue her.  Finally, things begin to change…
What causes this shift, or the magic to happen, so to speak? Let’s take a look at our beloved Cinderella.  Poor Cinderella is raised by her rather homely looking and cruel step-mom and step-sisters.  She wears rags and is covered in ashes from cleaning out the fireplace.  Then her MOTHER comes into the picture (archetyped as her fairy godmother, but still, her mother).  Now, there is a glimmer of hope.  In a very short amount of time, she gets a coach, some hot duds, her heroic prince and most importantly, freedom from the step family!!
Are you still searching for your freedom? Your prince? Your money that could buy you those clothes or a car? Perhaps you really need your mommy. You see, mom gave you life, and without life force energy, how can we be successful in any arena of life? Often times, we need to be in ‘right’ relationship with mom, and often we aren’t, even if we think we are.  When we are aligned correctly with mom, then the magic can happen.  I know this from personal experience and from many other women that I have helped.  Don’t take my word for it, check out a snippet of a recent testimonial from one of the many women who has benefitted from Family Constellation Therapy in relation to her mom (and therefore, everything else).

Hi Natalie! My mom and i had a very healing weekend. Honestly, it put us in a place we have not been in a very long time. This is HUGE. You have no idea. Yesterday was my parents anniversary and my grandma passed away a year ago today so we have been able to get through it together. Honestly, YOU are responsible for that. No joke. I hope you know just how gifted and special you are. Thank you so much for being there for my mom and I.  It means so much that you are so supportive, caring and generous.

Thank you so much!

Love,

L

I hope some of you got to enjoy the day off yesterday and we able to stay warm!  I love how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday coincided with the presidential inauguration.  When King spoke, his dreams were dreams.  When Obama spoke, he spoke of the modern family.  Obama expressed how in today’s world, we are all moving towards unity, where every family, regardless of sexual preference, race, financial status, is accepted.  Where we perceive differences, and outcasts, and separation, creates BIG problems both worldly and individually.  One of the major themes in Family Constellation Therapy is Oneness as well.  Weather we are talking about our universal community, being an American, being a part of your family, or being a part of your church community, inclusion is crucial.  If someone in your family was excluded (banned from fam, institutionalized, or forgotten), it can affect you on a profound level, without you knowing about it.  Join me in King and Obama’s message of Unity, Oneness and Inclusion today!  Who, in any of your communities, has been outcasted, and how can you re-include them?