No doubt, a female’s most complicated relationship exists between mother and daughter. From our first instances in utero, and continued through the rest of our days, our lives piggyback off of mom and how we relate to one another. However, we mustn’t gloss over the fathers. In systemic and family constellation therapy, the father’s presence and contribution needs to be acknowledged. Too many wives or children don’t give their dads enough credit, when in fact, it takes two to procreate. Without the father, the children would not have life, so if we make our husbands feel dispensable (whether or not we are married or divorced), guess what, our children feel dispensable as well (hello, the kid is half of them!). And, if we as wives don’t respect our husbands, you guessed it, our children learn not to respect their spouses as well (among other things). Worse, your children will feel conflicted over whom to ‘ally with’ when in fact, it is impossible to side with one parent over the other, because it took both to bring them life. The child will then go on to punish themselves in some way, whether it be through love and relationships, finances and career, or health. Maybe you are the child of parents like that, and can identify with this tough position. It’s certainly a lose-lose position to be in, so it is important that we don’t ask that or expect that from our children.
Additionally, in constellation therapy, it is said that the mother brings the child into the world, and the father shows the child the world. Where can you acknowledge and respect the fathers in your life more? Where can you direct attention towards them so that they can show you (if you are your father’s child) or your children (if you co-created with a father) the world more? For example, could you ask them advice on finances or cars? As a mother, if a child comes to you with a question on how fireworks explode, could you say something like “you know who is super smart with these things? Daddy! Let’s ask him!” There are so many ways that the fathers in our lives can, with their wisdom, bestow knowledge and worth upon the younger ones.
In a world where feminism is swarming and women are kicking ass (whoot) we also tend to forget about the men (not whoot). Women have this attitude of “I can make my own money, I can use a dildo, and hell, I can even get prego with a turkey baster.” In this, there is a very clear attitude of MEN ARE NOT NEEDED and this in infiltrating the population and affecting our past, present and current men in many ways. Hell yeah they are needed and wanted, and we need to remind them of that and show them!
Take a moment today and offer thanks and gratitude for your father and the father of your children, if that is applicable. Call dad (or tell him in heaven) how thankful you are for your gift of life and all the other gifts you got from him. If you have a husband, tell him how grateful you are for the gifts you’ve co-created together (kids and otherwise) and how you couldn’t have done it without him. If you have children, tell them that in them, you see their father and it is all good stuff (name specifics if you can). If you need more direction in aligning yourself properly with your father, or the father of your children, feel free to reach out…I guarantee life will be sweeter, you’ll be able to breath easier, be more successful, healthier, and the children or future generations will be happier.
