Every year, millions of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions, and millions of Americans fail. In recent studies, between 85-95% of Resolutions fall flat….most of them before January is over. There is a myriad of reasons why, but typically, we bite off too much, and we choose a behavior that we are so hardwired for, not even Neo from the Matrix could decode it. Are we supposed to just throw up our hands in despair? No! Why not just set ourselves up for success!
Making New Year’s Resolutions is uncommon in most countries. Many countries I have visited have made fun of us for participating in this maddening and torturous habit every year–focusing on what we are not doing well, and trying to change that. The majority of other countries around the world do cute little rituals involving good luck tokens, usually involving food. For example, in Spain, the Spaniards eat 12 grapes at midnight, to represent good luck for the 12 months to come. The Norwegians make rice pudding, and hide an almond for the “lucky one” to ingest. The Americans, well, we drink a lot, wake up hung over, and make lists of shit we suck at and go through extreme measures in the beginning of January to “do better”, only to fail miserably and further perpetuate the cycle in our heads of how big of a loser we are.
The history of New Year’s resolutions dates back to 153 BC when Janus, a mystical Roman King, had two faces..one for peering in the past, and one for looking into the future. Janus (January) became the symbol for the New Year, and most people honored this fresh start by looking for forgiveness with enemies, and exchanging gifts with family and friends. We, on the contrary, make this “fresh start” by making enemies with ourselves. We put all of our blood sweat and tears into something for about 2 weeks, and then throw up our hands, saying, “f&ck it, in surrender. Why do we continue this loosing battle, year after year? Why not create a New tradition? I call it “New Years Revolution!” You revolve, or go back, to being who you really are! The best way to do this? Bring more JOY in your life. In recent years, I’ve led workshops on focusing on what we did do well, and continuing to grow those behaviors, thus crowding out, or leaving little space for the less desirable behaviors.
At our true essence, we are all joy-filled, passionate, unabashed love bugs. Upping the ante on those types of activities that remind you of this, will naturally make you a better person….no need to nitpick on everything you aren’t doing, or could improve upon.
This new years, why not try to make resolutions , or revolutions, that are FUN and that you can keep! Revolutions that we can WIN at, not lose at.
Step 1: Make a list of all the things you find joy in and that remind you of the bright-eyed, innocent, child-like goober you once were and really are:
*puppies
*wet puppy noses
*dancing
*plucking out gray hairs
*yoga
*frolicking in nature
*licking frosting out of the canister
*listening to music
*cooking a healthy meal
*making living room forts
*traveling
*playing hopscotch
*buying fresh flowers for the home
*spying on the neighbors
*making sweaters out of bellybutton lent
*being touched (ie. massage, boyfriend time, etc)
*etc.
Step 2-Allocate a reasonable amount of time to each joy-filled event.
Hopefully, like me, you can think of a shitload of things that make you happy. For this reason, I recommend that you prioritize. In your list, order them from the most stupendously orgasmically enjoyable, to mildly enjoyable. Then, focus on your top 5! For each of those top 5, pick an amount of time to dedicate to it in 2011 that is both attainable and achievable. Remember, we are creating New Year’s Resolutions/Revolutions that will LAST. This must be something that is do-able, or else you will give up. So while it sounds wonderful to say, “I will travel every day of the year”, or “I will be around wet puppy noses every 5 minutes”, these are unreasonable goals, and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
On the flip side, you don’t want to cheat yourself. Saying, “I vow to dance once a year”, is too easy, and you are robbing yourself of joy.
A more reasonable expectation would be something like, “I will get a mani/pedi every month”. This is maintainable, and wont break your time and money bank. It brings joy and relaxation in your life, and gives you something to be grateful for and something positive to focus on.
Everything else on your list, (#6 through #1, 349, 645) become icing on the cake. This is like bonus points. If you’ve ever done Weight Watchers, the extra activities you do on the list are like “free foods” or flex points. You can have an unlimited amount as long as you’ve already achieved your top 5 for the week/month/year. The more (joy) the merrier!
Step 3- Make your Merriment Goals Visible
Make a sticker chart, coupons, a spread sheet, tally chart…whatever organizational tool you need to hold yourself accountable, of your Top 5 That Make You Jive. Post this somewhere where you will see it daily. Include the time goal you have set with it (Ex- Take a trip every 4 months, Tickle a baby every 5 weeks, etc.).
Step 4-
Do them
Step 5-
Experience more JOY in your life, thereby crowding away your crumby aspects
Step 6 – Share the JOY with others. (recommended, but optional)
See how positivity is courageous. Know that you are contributing to a healthier happier universe, by taking care of yourself. Feel good about effortlessly sending out good vibrations to others.
Also, we could learn a little something from the Romans…we too could try to make amends with all enemies and freinemies. Life is short. Why carry around so much baggage of anger, pain and bitterness? It’s all about the HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!
