Hello Beautiful Bella Readers. In last month’s article, I audaciously suggested that we are turning the men in our lives into big fat pussies and then bitching about it! (In case you missed it, go back and read it here: ) I still stand by that claim, but not to worry, there is something we can do about it! Men, by nature, don’t want to be wusses, they want to be heroes! The best thing we can do for their self-esteem, and our own, is to let them be our heroes. Granted, this takes some patience, practice and trust, but once it is down, you will never go back. Following these few simple tips could allow the love to flow again, create more intimacy between you and your man, and hopefully, in turn, amp up your sex life! Remember, sexual attraction is directly correlated from high levels of polarity or differences (regarding energy). So, the more you are in your feminine (receiving) and the more your man is in his masculine (providing), the more vavaVOOMing!
You see, believe it or not, a man, by nature, has a strong desire to serve and protect us. If there is no need to serve and protect us, that their existence serves no purpose…and listen to me, they WILL gravitate towards one of those helpless chicks that you can’t stand. You will be left there scratching your ass wondering what went wrong. I hate to say it, but you weren’t helpless enough. I have noticed this phenomenon plenty of times. Trust me, I was in a 5 year dry spell. I was so freakin’ independent that I didn’t have the space/trust/insight/feminine energy to let men do things for me. During this 5 years of single-hood, I had to be in my masculine and feminine in order to survive. Who else was going to lug the laundry to the laundry mat, take out the garbage, change the light bulbs, change my flat tire, and build the IKEA furniture? I got so used to depending on myself that it felt foreign, and even rude, to depend on others. Why would I want to burden someone else if I can do it myself? What I didn’t realize is that I was burdening the man by NOT letting him do things for me. They all lost interest and I would come to find out, time and time again, that they ended up with the very chicks they said they didn’t want (needy, co-dependant, helpless gold-diggers who are high maintennance and wouldn’t be caught dead without heals and makeup and thought dogs and nature were gross). It seemed very confusing, but now it makes perfect sense. I remember having a light-bulb moment regarding this. I was dating a man who was visiting from Canada and he was such a gentleman. I was so used to being a bag lady (you know how it is in NYC..you carry some gym clothes, books, calendars, lunch, shower stuff for after the gym, laptop, etc on your 16 hour day) and thought nothing of it. Everywhere we went, this gentleman insisted on carrying my bags (I put up a fight, but he put up a bigger fight). I remember giving in and handing him over some of my crap. Instantaneously, it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders…literally and figuratively. It was right then that I realized that we were not meant to live alone. We are meant to live in teams or packs and share the load. Once I got passed my fear and guilt, it was so easy to let him help me out, and furthermore, I looked over at him grinning from ear to ear. He loved helping me and I loved letting him–what a cool concept! In speaking with many clients, I have since encouraged them to give in a little to receiving help from their men and they too have had light bulb moments. One girl remembers, “hmmm, the time when Colin was the best boyfriend ever, is the time I lost my purse and I was upset and crying. He rallied and did whatever it took to get it back to me.” I hear similar stories all the time…Men need to feel useful, or else they will seek it out somewhere else. I am not advocating that you become a helpless, hopeless nymph incapable of the smallest task, but I am suggesting you pull out your inner damsel.
How to tap into your Inner Damsel in Distress:
1) Make a list of all the tasks that you do that could be traditionally seen as masculine (ie. take out the garbage, solve all of your problems, beat people up (hopefully not), pay the bills, move and build furniture, hang pictures, change light bulbs, fix the computer, etc.
2) Acknowledge that you are more than capable of doing all of these things and damn well (quite possibly better than the men), and that this is not an activity on sexism or abilities. Tell yourself, this is an activity on teamwork, relationship building, and receiving help (being in your feminine energy).
3) Pick out a couple of things you could stand to not do…even if it is to stop opening jars.
4) Hand those things over to your man. They respond to short quick requests (it takes them a while to filter through the fluffy bullshit) using words like ‘please’, ‘need’, ‘help’ ‘sexy’, ‘hot’ and ‘hero’.
For example- “Justin, I need your help. Can you please pull down that heavy suitcase for me?”. Then, while they are doing it, you say, “oh, you are so hot/sexy/strong/manly when you do that”. Then, an action is nice too such as pinching/spanking the butt and/or feeling his biceps. Follow up with a “thank you, you are my hero”.
5) Feel good, watch your man feel good.
6) repeat and reap the benefits of having a more balanced relationship!
I also strongly suggest this for women who aren’t in relationships and want to manifest one. Remember, if you are too in your masculine, there is no room to attract a guy…unless he is a pussy and wants to be manhandled (yuck!). So, when I lived with 6 strong-minded, independent girls, we all got used to being in this space. We began to hire a “rent a hubby” which is a handyman that comes by and does stuff for you. We also started asking our landlord and doormen to do more things for us. Let me tell you, at first I thought we would burden them, but those dudes LOVED coming by to help six ladies! Trust me…it was a win-win situation where we made each others’ days. Shortly thereafter, after I begin to receive help from a man, I met the man I am currently and happily involved with…and I let him help me everyday! I still struggle with wanting to do everything on my own, but the benefits of giving in far outweigh the inclination to be a task hog. Start today with pulling out the inner damsel and letting the men in your life rise up to be the hero–everyone will be happier!
